


I am not Her

by Clexa_Sheep



Series: I am not Her [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Anya is the voice of reason?, Clexa, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Lexa Has a Penis (The 100), Loss of Virginity, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Minor lostia, Mostly fluff after, Only eyes for each other Fluff, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Lexa (The 100), Smut? Yes, Soulmates, some angst in the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26495407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clexa_Sheep/pseuds/Clexa_Sheep
Summary: When they both lost the same person that they loved dearly, can they overcome their griefs and mistake?Read on to see the journey of two friends discovering their love for each other is something inevitable.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: I am not Her [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940047
Comments: 128
Kudos: 358





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke likes it here. It feels like home seeing her older sister Costia lying comfortably on her girlfriend’s lap watching ‘Imagine you and me’ for what must be the millionth time. These are the two most important people in her life. 

The other important person, her dad Jake, died 3 years ago in a workplace accident. Fortunately, the work compensation and insurance payout was enough to cover both the sisters education and cost of living. Unfortunately their mother, who should have been their backbone just simply stopped caring. Clarke was only 14 at the time. 

Clarke releases a sigh and looks over just in time to see soft green eyes gazing at her. 

“Everything alright Princess?”

That is Lexa. Her sister’s girlfriend of 3 and a bit years now. They are both almost finishing their final year in Polis U while Clarke is still a freshman. Costia asked Lexa out in their freshman year. They’ve only been on a couple of dates before Jake’s terrible accident. Thank goodness for Lexa though. Clarke can only imagine if Lexa hadn’t chosen to stay by their side that both her and Costia will continue to be an emotional wreck. Lexa became their pillar of strength, their unwavering constant. She is the person Clarke trusts the most, even more than Costia.

“Yeah, s’good. So.. when do you leave?”

Green eyes crease her forehead with a slight frown. She motions Clarke with a tilt of her head to come sit beside her on the couch. Lexa places her arm across Clarke’s shoulder and pulls her in for a half hug as Clarke lay her head on the strong shoulder.

“You mean to military school?” 

Clarke nods. She heard the news from Costia a few days ago. Lexa has a scholarship grant to a prestigious military school and might be gone for a while. Costia is not happy about it.

“2 weeks after our graduation. Then off to training for 2 years.”  
Lexa looks down at Costia noticing her nonchalant expression staring at the TV. Lexa plays with Costia’s soft blonde hair with one hand while giving a comforting squeeze on Clarke’s arm with the other.

“I will miss you so much,” whispers Clarke.

“We can chat all the time and totally throw those Zoom parties. Before you know it I will be back. You will hardly miss me” 

Both sisters let out a sad chuckle knowing Lexa is only trying to lighten up the mood. 

Clarke stares blankly at the TV willing her tears not to fall. 

Costia finally turns and tucks her head into Lexa’s stomach. “You can’t leave” Costia sobs into the hem of Lexa’s shirt. 

“Baby, I promise we'll talk all the time and I will come back during the breaks. After that we will be together again like always. We will get a little place of our own like we talked about.” Lexa reassures and palms gentle soothing strokes to the back of Costia’s head. 

“And Clarke, you will be out of college then. You are always welcome to stay with us if you want.” 

Clarke can only nod her head against Lexa’s shoulder. This time, a few tears let loose. She is going to miss her best friend.

~~

It is finally the day of graduation. The girls and some of their friends celebrated with a nice dinner and are heading to their usual drinking spot - Grounders club. Clarke is underage so they sent her back to her dorm first.

“Clarke is getting hotter each time I see her. She 18 yet?”

That is Anya. She has been Lexa's best friend since middle school and she doesn’t have much of a filter. 

“Shut up Anya. Stay away from Clarke. If you so much as look at her the wrong way I will slit your throat!” Lexa huffed feeling protective over Clarke who has always been closed to her. 

“Woah woah. Don’t need to go murdery protective mum here” Anya chuckles and shoves Lexa’s shoulder at her over-dramatics. Costia just rolls her eyes “Kids, can we go get some shots now!!”

They meet their friends at Grounders and a dozen shots later, Lexa and Costia find themselves grinding on each other in the middle of the dance floor. Their clothes are sticking to their sweaty bodies, their joined hips sways to the beats of the heavy bass. 

Lexa wants to make it up to her girlfriend tonight. They have been arguing since she received the acceptance letter. Costia is still unhappy with her decision straining their relationship over the last few months. Lexa really wants them to be on good terms before leaving. Lexa turns Costia around and pulls her hips back against her front. 

“Baby, you are so sexy” Lexa nibbles on Costia’s ear as she sneaks her hand under the way too short skirt she is wearing. Hand sliding up the smooth thighs, cupping her lover’s core and firmly circling the flat side of three fingers over the thin garment that is getting damper by the minute. Under the relentless ministrations, Costia arches her body and lies her head on Lexa’s shoulder, letting out filthy moans that are thankfully masked by the loud music. But the erotic sounds did not escape Lexa and she can feel her cock stirring and getting awfully hard inside the tight confines of her jeans.

“Fuck.. I want you so much” Lexa groans as she thrust her hips forward a few times to relieve the ache.

“Fuck… Lex. Take me home!”

Without further hesitation, Lexa pulls Costia’s wrist and heads towards the exit, waving goodbye to their friends as they whistle and cheer, hearing Anya yell before they exit.  
“Remember safe sex children!!!”

Lexa pushes Costia against their apartment door, pinning her hands above her head. Alcohol and lust fuelling the fervent kisses on swollen lips and neck. Lexa’s hand moves with urgency to strip Costia off her clothes. Her jeans stealthily unbuttoned by Costia’s nimber fingers and Lexa couldn’t be quicker to pull down the offending material together with her boxers letting free of her straining cock.

“Fuck.. Fuck me please Lex.”

~~

The morning sun peaks through the slight opening from the curtains. Lexa is content with the soft pliant body sleeping beside her. She gently caresses the naked skin in front of her, slowly moving her hand up to find a soft mount giving it a playful squeeze, fingers gently grazing over a sleeping nipple that is slowly stiffing up to attention.

“Mmmmm…”

“Morning babe.”

Costia slowly turns her body around but gives a somewhat dejected expression.

“What’s wrong baby?” Lexa coos.

“Why do you have to go?”

“You know why.”

“Its two fucking years. You will have girls trying to get into your pants. You might meet someone new and forget about me and then you are going to abandon me and everything here.” Costia huffs.

“Hey baby, that is just silly. We have talked about this. 1, I am not going to let any girl get in my pants. And 2 All I want is you. You know how important the scholarship is to me. I cannot just give up on this opportunity. I know long distance sucks, but we will make it work. We always do. Our relationship will come out of this stronger than ever before. Trust me. Trust us.”

Lexa truly meant every word she says, however Costia never seems to have the same faith. It has been a recurring problem. Whenever they are apart, even just for a short time, Costia becomes insecure, almost unreasonable. Sometimes in the heat of arguments, she will guilt Lexa, accusing her of abandonment, or being uncaring or selfish, or prioritizing everything else over her. It frustrates Lexa to no end because all her actions prove the contrary and Costia knows it. Costia just can’t help with her outburst when she feels insecure. 

Lexa often wonders where the insecurity comes from. Perhaps it was because Costia’s mum abandoned her after their father’s death, or the young ex lover that took everything Costia has to give and spits it back in her face when they dumped her and makes her feel less than what she is worth. Perhaps Lexa should have trusted her own instincts and not jump into the relationship so quickly when Jake died 3 years ago..

They shared some classes during their freshman year. They started hanging out and Costia has asked Lexa out a couple of times (fun fact, Clarke tags along all the time. They had fun though). Up till then, they really didn’t know each other very well. However that all changed very quickly when Jake died in that freak accident. Costia became an emotional wreck and pleaded with Lexa to stay with her all the time. Lexa in her good nature stayed around to support her friend, however Costia was surprisingly forward in driving their friendship into a more physical nature. Lexa did not think it was a good idea to start a relationship with someone that is going through such emotional trauma, but her raging teenage hormones left very little self control or thinking to be done. If only she realized then what she knows now, she would have taken things much slower because inadvertently, Costia has become emotionally and physically reliant on Lexa and her irrationality when Lexa is not around is at times suffocating.

Clarke in hindsight makes everything more bearable. The poor girl was only 14 years old and in the beginning, Lexa frequently found Clarke sobbing quietly by herself. Lexa came to learn that Clarke never burdens other people with her problems and always puts on a strong and cheery face. It seems she had no choice but to grow up very quickly and all Lexa could do to help was simply lend the young blonde a shoulder to cry on or sometimes a hug when she needed one to make things feel better. Sometimes the young girl offers the same support for Lexa and over time they became best of friends as they can talk about anything and confides in each other thus forming a very trusting relationship

But back to the present moment. Lexa didn’t know what further reassurance she could provide. Costia did not respond to her last statement. She just stomps around the room looking for her clothes. Lexa wasn’t sure whether Costia was angry at her or herself. 

“You just go do what you like then. It has never stopped you even if you know it will hurt me. I will be heading to campus to collect my stuff and catch dinner with friends later. Don’t wait up.”

“Cos.. that is not fair. Wait, we should talk...”

Without hearing what Lexa has to say, Costia marches into the bathroom and turns on the shower. Lexa takes a long breath and exhales. Another guilt tripping. The room suddenly feels stuffy. She puts on her gym clothes and steps out of the apartment. She just hopes when the time comes for her departure, Costia will be more supportive and accepting of the situation.

~~

“Costia is dead.” Anya solemnly says on the phone. 

“Not funny Anya. I was with Costia just a few hours ago!” 

“I am not joking Lex. There was a big pile up at the campus. Cos was right in the mix of it. The paramedics already called her time of death when I got there. She… she was pretty much dead on impact Lex. I am so sorry, there was nothing anyone could do. They are sending her body to Polis Hospital”

Lexa did not believe the words coming out of the phone call. It isn’t real. It isn’t real until it is. Until she is faced with the hard evidence, the lifeless body laid in front of her in the cold hospital mortuary. Lexa hovers over the pale face, her hand gently swiping away some stray hair before gliding the back of her fingers over the cold cheeks while the other hand clutches her own chest trying to contain the stabbing pain. 

She collects Costia’s cold hand with both hers, bringing it up to her face so she can lean her cheeks against the lifeless limb, just to feel some sort of connection. 

Coldness. 

“I’m here. Why did you leave me?” Lexa sobs, suddenly feeling each of her breath is shorter than the next. She crumbles to the ground heaving.

A warm body cradles over her fallen form. She feels the same heavy sadness and sobbing of a familiar face against her back. It brings some sense back to Lexa that someone else in here suffered a greater loss than she did. She turns around to watery blue eyes wrapping her strong arms around the trembling body.

“I am so sorry, Clarke”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Griefs and Mistakes

The funeral took place several days later. The alcohol did not help alleviate the heavy guilt in Lexa’s heart as she stood stoically hiding her swollen eyes behind the black sunglasses. She kept thinking back to their last conversation. They left things unresolved and Lexa didn’t do anything about it. She hated herself. She should have accompanied Costia to campus and this will not have happened. She should have stayed.

Her arms embrace the other familiar blonde by the shoulders and let their tears soak through her shirt. They look so alike. They have the same long blonde hair. Costia’s slightly darker and shorter. Costia’s eyes are a lighter blue whereas Clarke has a more vivid electric blue. They are about the same height now, Clarke slightly curvier and her face still carries some baby fat. Clarke hated it as Costia always teased her about it but Lexa didn’t mind. She thought of Clarke as cute and innocent.

But now Lexa cannot face Clarke. Her face is a constant reminder of Costia, the body now buried 6 feet under because Lexa couldn’t protect her. The guilt and burden feels too heavy on her shoulders. 

So Lexa drinks. She has been drinking for the past few days, trying to drink away her sorrows until she blacks out. She drops her heavy head onto the bar table. 

“Another one.. I need another drink” she slurs. Anya arrives at the call of their bartender friend. She could no longer stand by just to watch her friend drink herself to death.

“That’s enough Lex! You are leaving for military school in a week. Remember that is what you have always wanted. The dead are gone. The living is hungry. It's time to sober up. I am getting you home.”

Dragging a dead weight drunk is no easy task. Anya fumbles with the keys while keeping Lexa upright.

“Hey Clarke… you are here. What are you doing here? Wait nevermind, can you come help with Lexa”

Clarke hurries over and wraps Lexa’s arm over her shoulder. They drag the dead weight across the living room. 

“I am just cleaning out Costia’s stuff. Sorry her bedroom is in a bit of a mess, we should put her in the guest room.”

Anya got Lexa out of her dirty clothes leaving her boxers on. She throws a clean shirt over the intoxicated body and tuck her under the blanket. Meanwhile Clarke thoughtfully places a glass of water, an Advil and Lexa’s charging phone on the bedside table. 

“Is she ok?”

Anya sighs but nods.

“How are you doing kid?” 

The younger blonde remains silent, looking at the ground. Anya moves forward to give her a firm hug.

“Everything is going to be fine. Ok?”

“It won't be. I am all alone and I am so scared” Clarke sniffles as she whispers into Anya’s shoulder. Her voice is so vulnerable it is almost heartbreaking. 

Anya held her tighter and sways their bodies, shushing the sobs away.

“Shhh… you are going to be fine. You have your friends. We will be here. Me and Lex are here for you.”

“Lexa… We always talk about things, but she has barely been sober and she is leaving in a week. I have never felt more alone in my life.” 

“Hey, it’s alright. Give her some time. She is grieving like you but she will be back on her feet in no time. You need to be strong for each other. We tackle each day as it comes, ok.

Clarke nods into Anya’s shoulder.

“It’s late. I am heading out. Do you want me to send you back to your dorm? I don’t want you getting home by yourself”

“Thanks. s’ok. I still have some packing to do. I will stay in Costia’s room tonight. Maybe in the morning I can talk to Lex”

After sending Anya off, Clarke resumes her packing in her sister’s room. Clarke picks up the photo album and flipped through it. It is their family album, photos of her happy family on trips over the years. She smiles at one of her father, Costia and herself on a kayak during a camping trip down the river. There weren't any new photos after her father’s death.

Clarke picks up another album. All the photos of Costia and Lexa, and there were many with Clarke as well. Clarke had to crash their dates all the time in the beginning. When her father passed away, Lexa was their saving grace, their constant. She was there when their own mother wasn’t. Clarke was very grateful as neither her mum or Costia was emotionally available to help her through the loss.

Looking at one of the earliest photos they had together, Clarke can’t help but smile as she traces Costia’s face with her finger. It was a fun night.

**Flashback**

“Mum, Lexa is here and there is no way I am bringing my little sister on my first date!! Why can’t you come home or call another sitter. Please!!”

Clarke awkwardly stares at the tall beautiful brunette standing near the front door as she overheard her sister in the kitchen whining to their mum on the phone.

The brunette walks over to the cute young blonde standing by the stairway.

“Hey. I am Lexa. What’s your name?”

Clarke suddenly feeling shy at being approached stutters her name.

“C..Clarke. My name is Clarke Griffin.”.

“Well Clarke Griffin. That's a pretty awesome name. Sounds like you might be hanging out with us tonight. We are going to the carnival so I reckon it will be lots of fun.” Lexa smirks and gestures two thumbs up with a cheeky wink at the cute blonde.

Clarke bites her lips and flushes. She replies with an uncertain drag out Ok and turns to run back up the stairs. Lexa chuckles somewhat amused by the teenager’s awkwardness.

Costia returns her attention to Lexa embarrassed and apologetic.

“Lexa, I am so sorry. My parents have to work tonight and the sitter for my little sis cancelled last minute. Do you want to maybe.. Maybe we should do this another time?”

“Hey, it's ok. I am happy for your sis to tag along since we are just going to the carnival. The more the merrier. It will be fun.”

Costia couldn’t believe her luck that her date is so accommodating and not even slightly annoyed at the situation. 

“CLARKE!!! Change and get your ass down here. We are going to the CARNIVAL!!”

~

Lexa is very good in the games at the carnival. Especially anything requiring a good aim.

“I want Elsa!” Clarke excitedly points to her favourite cartoon princess. 

“Ok. Whatever you want Princess.” Lexa smirks and confidently takes aim at the targets with the toy gun, making all shots perfectly. Clarke didn’t like to be called princess but that quickly changed when Lexa handed over the Elsa princess that is almost as big in size as a real kid.

**End Flashback**

Clarke smiles at the photos from that night. She was shorter then so in the photos she was always standing in the middle in front of Lexa and Costia. In the first photo Clarke had to stick her head out to the side because she realized the big toy was going to cover her face. Lexa looked down at the silly girl’s movement with a surprised smile when the photo was taken. Costia smack on Clarke’s shoulder at her shenanigans and asked her to stand properly for the next photo. But in the next photo Clarke’s favourite cookies and cream ice cream was melting in her hand so she brought it up to lick it. Again the photo snaps with Lexa laughing, amused or disgusted at the messy girl licking the ice cream off her knuckles. The final photo had all three of them smiling happily despite Costia giving Clarke a funny side eye. 

Quiet tears stream down Clarke’s face as she suddenly faces a future of loneliness. Within the week, she lost her sister and she will be losing her best friend soon. She pushes the album aside instead of packing it in the box. She didn’t know if Lexa wanted to bring it along with her instead.

Clarke crawls into the bed, tucking her head into her sister’s pillow, her tired and puffy eyelids forcing her eyes to close. She falls asleep to the faint scent of her sister.

~

Clarke is not sure if she slept for a few minutes or a few hours, but in the darkness she felt a warm comfort behind her as she continued to slumber in a daze. Her awareness sharpens as she feels a strong grip tugging her stomach pulling her body into a tight embrace, their bodies bent together into a foetal position 

“Lexa? Is that you?” Clarke whispers but she didn’t dare move.

“I miss you... sooo much” Clarke hears a slurred whisper and the body behind tightens, yearning to bring their bodies impossibly closer.

“I am so sorry Cos. Please come back to me.” 

She has never heard Lexa sound so vulnerable. Lexa is the strongest person she knows. She feels the warm breath on her neck, soft lips touching her skin. The hand on her stomach slips under her shirt, tracing back and forth along her skin causing goosebumps to rise along every surface of the skin touched. It sends shivers down Clarke’s body and a lump formed in her throat as she becomes voiceless. Clarke has never been touched like this before. 

Clarke knows she has to put a stop to whatever is going on. Lexa is drunk and not in the right frame of mind. She tries to loosen Lexa’s grip and only manages to turn her body so she is on her back, her head tilted to see Lexa on her side. 

Lexa has her eyes closed but leans in instinctively and nuzzles her face into the side of Clarke’s face like a purring cat.

“Lexa. Are you drunk?” Clarke whispers. 

“Cos…. Don’t leave me” Lexa pleads. Clarke leans back and turns her face fully to mirror Lexa. Hey eyes already adjusted to the darkness so she can study the sad beautiful brunette. 

Clarke can smell the alcohol but she dare not exhale. She feels Lexa shifts, her face even closer now, their nose tentatively bumping, hot breaths on skin, the softest lips just barely grazing over her own lips.

“Please….I need you.” 

The heartbreaking request has broken Clarke's resolve. Be it her own loneliness or selfish desires, or she just wants to let this broken soul take whatever they need to soothe their aching hearts. In a moment of weakness, Clarke tilts her chin, pressing firmly into those longing lips as she allows Lexa to capture her lips for the first time ever.

~

With the reciprocal affirmation of her lover’s lips, Lexa sucks in those lips with renewed vigour filling some type of void in her heart. Her entire body shifts forward, rolling over the top of her lover and pinning their body into the mattress. Inadvertently Lexa rolls her hips causing a gasp from her lover below and she takes the opportunity to slip her tongue in and deepen their kisses, moaning into each other’s mouth.

The tiny moonlight that slithered through the curtains vaguely lit the shape of the blonde angel under her. It feels different but it feels right. Impatient hands push up her lover’s shirt over their head as she moves downwards to kiss and suck on the revealing skin, eventually capturing a nipple, grazing it lightly with her teeth, her lover gasping and squirming beneath her. She sucks and licks the nipple fervently and brings her right hand up to capture the other breast, squeezing and rolling the other nipple bringing it to stiff attention. Perhaps if Lexa hadn’t been so aroused and intoxicated. she might have paused to consider the strange feeling of the larger breast that no longer fits in her hand. But in this moment, her brain paid no mind to it.

The new unfamiliar whimpers and gasps only sends arousal down Lexa’s hard rod as it twitches. She thrust her hips harder into her lover’s clothed core as she continues to worship the skin writhing and moaning under her. Lexa slides her hand under the waistband into the heated folds. 

“Mmm baby you want me. You are so wet for me.” Desperation and arousal takes hold as Lexa hastily gets rid of their remaining barriers, spreading her lover’s thigh open with her own and grips her hard pulsing cock and slides it along the wet folds gathering slick. The body beneath her shudders and whimpers at the contact and without a further thought, Lexa tries to enter her lover’s entrance to relieve her aching cock.

“Ugh.. Baby you are... ugh.. too tight..” Lexa grunts thrusting her cock with a little more force, but her lover cries and stiffens, denying and resisting her entry. 

“Shhh… shhh.. Relax for me baby.” Lexa coos, stopping her thrust and palms her lover’s thigh soothingly before sliding her hand in to rub slow firm circles on her swollen clit. 

Eventually she feels the body relax, her lover’s desperate grip on her shoulders softens, their hips moving for more friction. Lexa begins thrusting again in the tight cavern, inch by inch as it pops through the tight opening until she is fully sheathed. The tight sensation and needy moans encourages Lexa to pull out to just the tip and slams it back in causing an erotic cry from her lover beneath. Sensing her lover’s walls clenching, she thrusts harder and deeper, the room filling with the sounds of their wet fornification, skin slapping and two souls panting and moaning at the pleasure of their binding.

Her lover stiffened and came hard. Lexa’s cock is sucked in so tight she can barely move. She lightly jogs her hips to help her lover come down from her orgasm. When her lover relaxs a little, Lexa briskly resumes her thrusting, working a new angle, pounding her lover harder and faster, desperately needing to chase her own release. Lexa’s head is pounding at the same time, a nagging feeling that everything is so unfamiliar, but her lover’s walls are so warm and comforting, gripping her cock so deliciously that everything feels just right. If she is dreaming, she never wants to wake up. The pleasure of her impending release is so overwhelming that she has no mind to decipher neither these strange feelings nor the unfamiliar cries beneath her. 

Lexa comes hard sending her lover into another orgasm. An explosion of white light blinded behind her closed lids as her cum gushes with force into the tight canal. Lexa lazily jogs her hips waiting for the tight grip to release her cock while it continues to milk the remains of her cum. Sated and tired, Lexa’s body relaxes beyond control as she melts into the pillowy softness beneath her. Her world fading away just as she murmurs,

“I love you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Broken

Clarke didn’t know how long she had been staring at the ceiling. She only knows there is a comforting weight laying on top of her snoring softly. Lexa hasn’t pulled out after their joined orgasm. She just fell asleep after saying those words. 

“But I am not her” 

Clarke whispers to no one but herself. She knows Lexa wasn’t saying those words to her, wasn’t thinking about her when they made love, and yet she has allowed Lexa to continue otherwise. Clarke shuts her eyes, tears rolling down her cheek. She is appalled by her pathetic attempts to push Lexa away. 

Clarke didn’t know what to do. This was her first time. It was painful at the beginning and she was so terrified that an intoxicated Lexa was going to force her way in but thankfully she became gentler. When she relaxed and adjusted to Lexa’s intrusion, the intensity and pleasure of their binding felt so amazing like nothing Clarke has felt before. Despite the circumstances, and in a twisted way, Clarke was glad her first time was with Lexa, the person she trusted most.

**Flashback**

“Hey Lex, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure Princess. You know you can ask me anything. What’s troubling the brilliant mind of yours?”

“Promise you won’t laugh and you cannot tell anyone, not even Costia!”

“Of course. You can trust me. Pinky promise”

It's their thing and Lexa never breaks a pinky promise. Whenever Clarke is bothered, the first person she thinks to confide in is Lexa. Besides the fact she is always there because of Costia, Lexa is a wonderful listener and patient without judgement. She never tells Clarke what to do but she will challenge Clarke to look at any problems in a positive light or in different perspectives. Even when she doesn't have the answers, she will always lay out all the facts for Clarke to make her own mind.

“What is it like to have… sex?”

Lexa’s eyes widens at the question asked by the 16 year old. She schooled her features quickly knowing that Clarke is at a very impressionable age and her friend groups will be all curious about the topic. Lexa is comforted by the fact that Clarke is comfortable and mature enough to come to her to talk about it. 

“Oh… Umm.. Sex is really good when you do it with the right person. It is something very natural and very intimate. You should only have sex with him… or umm her if you trust them. Be honest about what you want so that the experience is something that is pleasurable for the both of you.”

“Oh.. ok. I don’t really know what I want or what to expect.”

“Right.. If it is your first time” A full flush crept up on the blonde’s face. “For your first time, make sure to take things slow. If anything is making you uncomfortable, you need to voice up immediately. Don’t be embarrassed and don’t let anyone pressure you into something you are not ready or comfortable with.”

Clarke nods her head slowly absorbing the information.

“I am a bit scared. I heard that it can be quite painful.”

“Umm.. during penetration, it might hurt a bit, especially if you are not, um, aroused or wet enough. That is why it is good to go slow so your muscles can relax and adjust to the intrusion. Umm, it should feel quite pleasurable afterwards. If it continues to be really painful, you should stop because either your partner doesn't know what they are doing, or you might have some other conditions. If it is the latter, maybe you can consult a doctor.”

Clarke rolled her eyes unable to fathom ever going to a doctor to talk about sex. 

“Don’t roll your eyes. We are not all experts of everything. If something feels wrong, don’t just ignore it. Anyway, have you been taught what a hymen is in SexEd?”

Clarke shook her head.

“Have you heard of the phrase ‘pop the cherry’?”

Clarke shrugs her shoulders.

“Right. So, hymen is a thin piece of tissue covering your vaginal opening. During umm your first deep penetrative sex, it might tear and it will hurt a little. You are likely to bleed from the tear, but it is quite normal so there is no need to be alarmed if you see blood afterwards. That is where the term ‘pop the cherry’, the tearing is like popping a bubble, and the color of the blood is like cherry comes from.”

“Ouch! But I will survive right?” Clarke jokes and Lexa chuckles.

“Sex should be more than just surviving Clarke. Having sex with someone you like is great. Sex with someone you love will open your hearts and soul. Oh, just avoid losing your virginity to drunken sex.”

Clarke’s eyes widens at the implication.

“I mean you kids these days are a little wild” Lexa grinned at the shocked expression from Clarke.

“But I know you are a responsible one. I only mentioned this because intoxicated people tend to have less control over their body functions and coordination. They might be too rough without knowing and hurt you, or they will just fall on you and break your back or something.” 

“Yikes. Nope, no drunk sex.” Clarke agrees by crossing her wrist indicating ‘no way’. 

“Ok. Anything else I should know?”

“Well we can talk about sexual positions.” Lexa wiggles her eyebrows and grins at the flustered blonde. 

“Oh actually before that.. We need to talk about this thing called safe sex….”

**End Flashback**

It's somewhat ironic that Clarke did not heed the advice of her most trusted friend and finds herself losing her virginity to that very person, who happens to be drunk and has fallen on top of her pinning her to the mattress. If there is any consolation, Clarke has been on birth control since the start of the year. Although it is not safe sex, it is still one less thing she needs to worry about.

Clarke can feel Lexa’s cock stir slightly inside her and the sensation sends a shiver down her core. She can almost feel her wetness leaking. Shame quickly takes over her mind, she thinks of her dead sister Costia. She would be so disappointed and appalled. Clarke should have tried harder to push Lexa away instead of pulling their bodies together. She should have shouted ‘No’ instead of keeping silent and then letting out those lecherous moans later. She should have walked away, she knows clearly in her head there was a boundary, yet she crossed the line, her treacherous body and heart betraying her weak mind. Worst of all, she betrayed the trust of her good friend. Lexa would never have consented to this if she was sober.

It is still dark in the room. Clarke can hear birds chirping, no doubt signaling a new dawn. The body above her stirs. Lexa’s cock slipping out as she rolls her body back onto the soft mattress finally releasing Clarke. She lays completely still, frozen in the moment, missing the sudden loss of warmth and weight but also great fear, terrified that the body beside her will come to their senses and be repulsed by what they see.

When the breathing evens out and soft snores can be heard again, Clarke slowly sits up looking down at her naked body, feeling slick cum oozing down her thighs staining the sheets. 

“Run” Clarke thinks. Her fight or flight response kicks in. All her senses telling her to flee. Clarke quietly rolls off the bed. She immediately feels soreness she has never felt before. But there is no time to contemplate. “Run”. Clarke put on her clothes and ran. She turns a final time at the doorway and gazes at the beautiful body sprayed on the bed, their chest moving slowly up and down, peacefully, unknowingly yet of the sin that had been committed here. 

~~

Lexa wakes up to a serious pounding headache. Her throat is dry like the desert and tastes like garbage. She drags her arm over her eyes and forehead to keep the blinding light out.

She sneaks a quick peek at her surroundings. Good, she is in the safety of her own room. She brought her other hand over the bedside table blindly searching and hoping that Costia had poured her a glass of water and some headache pills. No such luck. 

“Costia!” Lexa rasps. Silence. She yells again, louder this time. Silence again. It took a minute when Lexa jerked up. Pain and sadness overwhelms her brain as she remembers. Costia is no longer here. 

“Shit!” Lexa looks down at her naked body and examines the dried cum stains on her thighs. 

“What the fuck!”

“ANYAAAA!...... Anyone!!!” Lexa shouts, knowing that her best friend wouldn’t have just left her in her state of drunkenness or if she brought anyone back, they would have some answers for her. Silence again. 

She rests her head heavily in both her hands. Lexa tries to remember what happened. There was pain and misery and copious amounts of alcohol at the bar. She can’t think of anything after. She takes slow deep breaths to calm her manic brain. She remembers some snippets of pleasure. She was making love to her blonde angel. 

“Costia” She had a fucking wet dream of her dead girlfriend.

Lexa rolls off the bed feeling irate and heads to the bathroom.

“Ouch!” Lexa’s lands on the floor after slipping on a book.

“What the fuck? Why is it such a mess in here?” 

A million questions ran through Lexa’s confused mind. She wonders if she had a concussion in her inebriated state last night. She couldn’t think straight. She picks up the album she slipped on and randomly opens a page. It was a photo taken by Costia and it is one of her carrying Clarke piggyback at the beach. The young girl had tagged along with them again on their second date.

**Flashback**

“Dad! You gotta be kidding. You can’t do this to me again. You and mum are supposed to fly back in this morning. Can you try calling the sitter again? Pleaaaase!”

Clarke reluctantly starts packing for a trip to the beach. Costia gives her a side eye as she huffs and puffs on the phone to their parents. Clarke is secretly happy about the turn of events. It's the weekend and what better way to spend a summer’s day at the beach. And the company is pretty awesome too.

The girls settled into Lexa’s car, Clarke sitting behind. 

“Sorry Lexa. We have to bring Clarke again. My responsible parents missed their flight and couldn’t make it back in time to look after her.” 

Lexa chuckles and sneaks a peak in the back mirror while Clarke cheekily copies her sister's reactions exaggeratedly.

“I mean seriously Clarke is old enough to stay at home alone but my parents already said they will ground me if I didn’t bring her along”

“It's alright. It is a beautiful day to hang out at the beach. The more the merrier right. We had fun last time. So buckle up and let's have some fun.”

~

“Hey Princess. Let me help you with that bag…. Geez why is it so heavy?”

Costia shakes her head at Clarke.

“She is Miss Responsible. She packs like it is the apocalypse when we go on trips. Don’t mind her. This little monkey is weird.” 

“Hmph. Don’t call me weird. I’ve got spare clothing, extra towels, sunscreen, bottles of water, bandaids and your beach hat. Don’t come begging me for these when you need it. And YOU WILL NEED IT!”

“Well I think that you are a smart and very mature young lady. I am glad and honored to be travelling alongside you…. Mslittleweirdresponsiblemonkey.” Lexa gave Clarke a teasing shove and ran towards the sandy beach leaving Clarke equally flustered and irated.

~

After spending most of the afternoon sunbathing and frolicking in the waves, the 3 girls settle for a quiet walk along the beach. Clarke walks ahead picking seashells for her collection while Lexa and Costia stay back a few paces chatting.

“Ouch!!” Clarke felt a sharp pain and promptly fell onto the sandy beach, both hands grabbing on to her feet

By the time Costia and Lexa run forward, thick blood is oozing out of Clarke’s fingers.

“Shit, what happened? It looks bad.” Costia looks on worriedly.

“I stepped on a broken shell I think. It hurts like.. fuck!”

Lexa quickly kneels beside Clarke and tries to examine the damage. It was a bloody affair and Lexa couldn’t see how deep or big the cut was with the blood and sand. Lexa digs into Clarke’s survival bag and opens up a bottle of water to wash over the wound. 

“Ok , I see the gash. It is just a small cut but looks pretty deep. I will wrap the clean towel around to keep the pressure on. We should head over to the lifeguard tower, they will have some proper first aid for you.”

Costia and Lexa attempt to pull Clarke up and Clarke cries and yelps as soon as her feet touch the ground.

“Don’t be such a cry baby Clarke. It's just a small cut. Come on. Move it!”

Clarke shakes her head and promptly sat back down on the sand crossing her arms refusing to budge. 

“No, it is too painful to walk. Hmph!”

“Well Princess why don’t you hop on my back and I will carry you over. We can grab your favourite cookies and cream ice cream on the way. Will that make you feel better?”

Clarke makes a pout and considers her options. Satisfied with the deal she nods her head with a big grin. Lexa has never seen such a cute pout and promptly kneels down for Clarke to hop on. Costia chuckles and rolls her eyes. She secretly snaps a photo of the drama queen that is Clarke Griffin, now happily settled on Lexa’s back with an oversized blood soaked towel wrapped around her feet. 

**End Flashback**

Lexa feels much better after a hot shower. She heads into the kitchen and swallows an Advil and proceeds to fry some greasy bacon and egg for her hangover breakfast cure. She tries not to think much about last night. She knows she can call Anya for answers later.

After cleaning up, Lexa looks around for her phone. She returns to the bedroom looking around the bedside tables and under the floor. Without luck she checks the bed to see if it had fallen under the pillow or sheets. As Lexa carefully examines the area, something caught her eye that made her freeze. 

Lexa sees a patch of blood stain over what looks like a larger patch of dried cum stain. 

“Why the fuck is there blood on my sheets?” Instinctively Lexa examines herself for cuts but she finds no visible injuries. 

“I’ve got to call Anya for answers. Where’s my fucking phone?!”

Eventually Lexa found her phone in the guest bedroom, charging on the bedside table, along with a glass of water and an advil. The sheets are crumpled up like someone had slept on it. But whoever slept over is nowhere to be found now.

Lexa is beyond confused. She needs answers now and quickly dials Anya’s number.

~  
They met at the usual cafe near their apartments.

“Anya, please tell me you know what the fuck happened last night.” Lexa downs her expresso in one gulp and orders another.

“Umm.. you were black out drunk. Grounders called me to drag your ass home. I managed to get you home safely so a thank you would be nice”

“Shit! Right.. Thanks An! Did you stay over, did I bring anyone back with me?”

Anya shakes her head. They take their coffees and settle down at the corner table. 

“But someone slept in my guest bedroom.”

A rather confused Anya tilts her head slightly.

“Yeah... I pretty much dragged your sorry ass into that room, changed your clothes and tucked you in like a baby. Why are you sounding so fucking crazy? Did you start drinking again this morning!?”

“No I didn’t drink anything and I am not crazy. What are you talking about? I woke up in my own bed and...”

Lexa pauses confused and hesitating about whether she wants to disclose any details, but she needs answers and this is her best friend so she continues.

“And… I was naked… and I stained my sheets. I thought I might have been too drunk and brought some random girl back to fuck. But after a while I think…. I think I just came after having a wet dream about making love to Costia. Fuck An, it felt so real.”

Anya couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Awe poor Lexie still staining the sheets from wet dreams about your girl.”

If looks could kill, Anya knew she fucked up when Lexa glared at her.

“Hey, sorry Lex. That is so insensitive of me. Hey wait. What did Clarke say?”

“What do you mean? What does Clarke have to say about this?” Lexa questions, now even more puzzled than before. 

“Clarke was in the apartment when we got back. She was packing Costia’s stuff and coz your room is in such a mess, we decided to put you in the guest room. 

Lexa is stunned with the new piece of information.

“I offered to send her back to her dorm as it was really late, but she said she is still packing up and she will just sleep in your room. She said she wanted to talk to you in the morning. Did you not see her?”

Something didn’t add up in Lexa’s mind.

“You said Clarke was in my apartment last night?”

Anya nods

“And she slept in our.. in my bed?”

Anya shrugs. 

“I think so…. She was still awake when I left. Wait... Did you say you woke up in your own bed this morning... Naked? Where did Clarke sleep then?”

The question knocks the breath out of Lexa and her headache returns with a vengeance. The world seems to be spinning around her.

“I…. I don’t know. I didn’t see her”. Lexa shakes her head in apprehension. Suddenly a sick notion dawns on her.

“Fuck!” Lexa feels her throat tighten, her heart racing and she shakes as she can hardly breathe. 

Anya quickly shuffles over to Lexa’s side one hand grounding her shoulder and the other moving to her back circling in soothing motions. She was alarmed to see her normally stoic friend go into a panic attack, 

“Hey Lexa, it's ok. Calm down and just breathe… long breaths”

After some moments Lexa’s breathing and heart rate settles a little, but she is still trembling.

“What is it Lex? What’s wrong?” 

“There... there was blood on my sheets An, and it is not mine. Shit…. Did I hurt Clarke? Do you think I… did I force myself on her? Fuck! Fuck! No, this is not fucking happening.” Lexa stutters, hearing those words out loud is even more devastating and unfathomable. She shakes her head uncontrollably and wants to flee. She stands up quickly to leave but she blacks out momentarily and falls back on the chair.

Anya is shocked by the revelation but quickly steadies Lexa in the seat and continues to console her friend. Calming herself as well to think logically as her friend is not in the right frame of mind to do so. 

“Hey shhh… shhh.. Look, you were so drunk you were pretty much knocked out. Let’s calm down and don’t jump to any conclusions. Clarke is a big girl. Maybe she decided to go back to her dorm after packing. Let's find Clarke ok. Call her and maybe she can explain what happened.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely comments and that you are all enjoying the story. Keep them comments coming.

Lexa tries to regain her composure after hearing Anya’s reasoning, but it is not helping when she is sent to Clarke’s voicemail for the 4th time.

“Fucking pick up Clarke.” Lexa prays under her breath as Anya arrives at the parking outside Clarke’s dorm on the campus. 

“Wait here for me please. I need to do this myself” With an understanding nod from Anya, Lexa heads off to Clarke’s dorm room, every step heavier than the one before. Now that she is standing in front of the door, Lexa feels panic rising again. What is she supposed to say? Hey Clarke, did I fucking jump you last night? Fuck. Breathe. Breathe.

Lexa drops her forehead on the cheap vinyl door a couple of times hoping to ease her pounding headache.

“Yes?”

Lexa almost falls onto the ground when the door opens suddenly.

“Hey. Umm. Is Clarke in?”

Lexa tries to peek in but Clarke’s roommate looks at her skeptically and shuffles both of them outside.

“Lexa right. Do you know what happened to Clarke? She’s acting a little strange since coming back from her sister’s place.”

Lexa frowns and brings her fingers up to massage her forehead. 

“Can I see her? I need to speak to her.”

“Better not. She’s just fallen asleep. She came rushing into the room freaking early this morning. I was trying to get back to sleep, but Clarke just started sobbing and shaking under the blanket. I asked if she was ok but she just asked me to go back to sleep. I mean I get that she is grieving for her sister, but I’ve never seen her look so distraught. She looked fine yesterday.”

“Shit! Ummm.. Can you please ask her to call me when she wakes up? It is very important. Tell Clarke to call me at any time.”

~~

Clarke sends Lexa a text message that night.  
“Just wanted to be alone for a while and didn't want to see anyone. Don’t worry.”

Don’t worry. Lexa worries. She doesn’t know if it is consolation that at least Clarke has messaged her, but the message didn’t really explain anything so she texted back.

“Hey Clarke, I am so sorry I haven’t been there for you after the funeral. I hope you know I care for you a lot and you can talk to me anytime, about anything as always. I am here if you need me. Please call me soon.”

That was 3 days ago. It has been radio silence and Lexa couldn’t take it anymore. She feels her heart breaking not knowing what Clarke is going through and the guilt of whether she caused this avoidance is eating her alive. 

Lexa finds herself knocking at the front door of the dorm room again. No one answered, but Lexa persisted because Clarke’s roommate told her she is inside. The door finally swings open.

“What part of I don’t want to see anyone is unclear?” Clarke scorns and swiftly stomps back into her bed with the blanket over her head. Lexa didn’t even get a chance to look at Clarke properly.

Lexa frowns, she has never seen Clarke act out like this and it is not what she was expecting. Though she really doesn't know what to expect as she moves to stand closer to the bed.

“I respected your wishes for three days Clarke. We should talk.”

Clarke tosses and turns under the blanket.

“Just leave me alone.” Clarke pleads, her voice muffled under the blanket. Lexa knows that Clarke has a tendency to blame herself for other people’s mistakes or misfortune and suffers silently. She will have to push the girl a little harder to get her to talk. 

“You are angry Clarke. I know you. I know I was distant after Costia’s death. I have been a wreck and I thought I could just drink my sorrows away. I was selfish and I ignored your pain and let you suffer alone. But I am here now. It's easier to hate me than hate yourself. Clarke, please talk to me.”

Lexa moves closer to sit by the bed. She tries to lean closer to whisper some comforting words.

“Whatever the problem, you know you can tell me anything and we will get through it together as always. You are not alone. I promise I will be by your side... as long as it is what you want. Clarke, please.” 

Clarke releases a loud sob and sits up tears flowing down her cheeks. Lexa leans forward instinctively opening her arms while Clarke naturally leans into Lexa’s protective chest needing her best friend to embrace her tightly. 

After several moments, the sobs and tears slowly subsided.

“Hey. You’ve got snot on my shirt” Lexa teases as she jerks her shoulders bringing attention to the young blonde. Clarke leans back but still not meeting Lexa in the eyes.

“Hey. Clarke, Look at me. Tell me what’s wrong?” Lexa queries, hand soothing along Clarke’s thigh instinctively. Clarke tensed for a few seconds before relaxing and that has not gone unnoticed by Lexa.

“I am fine. It's nothing.”

“Clarke. You try to act like nothing's bothering you. This is not nothing.”

Clarke hangs her head low and remains silent, only the sound of teardrops falling to her sheets. Lexa’s heart aches for the blonde who seems to be struggling internally just as much as Lexa is at the moment. It seems it is up to Lexa to bite the bullet and talk about the big elephant in the room. Lexa sucks in a big breath.

“Clarke, I want to ask you something about the other night”

Lexa can see watery blue eyes peeking up at her in pain, her heart starts to thump rapidly, feeling short of breaths, bracing for the worst. She presses on.

“Umm, Anya mentioned you were at the apartment packing Costia’s stuff and were supposed to stay the night.”

Lexa can see a flurry of emotions flashing through Clarke’s expression as she unconsciously slides her knees up and folded her arms over and hid her face in her arms, trying to make herself look as small as possible. Lexa is very alarmed by Clarke’s reaction. The worst case scenario floats up in her mind and as much as Lexa wants to get closer to console the trembling blonde, she distance herself fearing her proximity may cause more stress to Clarke. 

“Clarke. Did we.. I mean.. Did I hurt you that night?” Tears begin to stream down uncontrollably as Lexa feels the impact of her own words spoken out loud, that even the thought of her hurting Clarke is unfathomable and is shattering her heart to pieces.

Clarke lifts her head up to look at Lexa, stress, worry and guilt written all over her face. 

“No Lexa.”  
“You didn’t hurt me” Clarke whispers but looks away again.

There was a momentary reprieve for Lexa. Clarke says she didn’t hurt her. Maybe that is all the answer she needs and she doesn’t need to clarify further. Leave for military school for two years and not think about this ever again. But Lexa’s heart knows Clarke, and there is much more than what was said behind those few words. She needed to know for sure. She cannot just leave and ignore her friend's pain like a coward. Lexa gathers what remaining courage she has, clenching and releasing her jaws, she takes another breath and presses on.

“Did I force myself on you Clarke? Don’t be afraid. Please just tell me the truth.” 

Clarke inhales sharply and hides her face back on her crossed arms over the knees and trembles uncontrollably. The silence barring the ragged breathing is deafening. It speaks more truth than spoken words. Lexa is utterly shattered and disgusted with herself, the truth that is, she has raped her friend, her dead girlfriend’s sister, a minor, taken her virginity in a fucking drunken haze.

‘Oh my god! I am a fucking monster.” Lexa hangs her head in shame, staring at her trembling hands like it was covered in blood. 

“I should go to prison for this.” Lexa stands up and marches towards the door. She will hand herself in to the police, she needs to be punished. 

A hand grips Lexa’s wrist before she gets a chance to open the door.

“Lexa wait... No, you didn’t force me. I… you came on to me.. and I didn’t push you away. I.. I wanted it and I am just so ashamed of myself and I was afraid you will never talk to me again if you knew the truth. I am so sorry.” 

Green eyes lock on to watery blues. A million emotions pass through her soul. Confusion, disgust, anger, shame, disappointment, sadness, heartbreak, desire, want, love. While Lexa deliberates in silence, guilt consumes Clarke. She slowly lets go of Lexa’s wrist and drops her head trying to hide her shame and takes a step back.

“I will understand if you never want to see me again. I have broken your trust and I don’t deserve to be your friend anymore.”

“Clarke”. Realization dawns on Lexa. She carefully steps forward and cradles Clarke’s face back up to face her. 

“Clarke, sweetheart. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was drunk and I came on to you mistaking you for Costia. I forced myself on you and hurt you, and you wanting it doesn’t make what I did right.”  
Lexa leans in and rests their foreheads together, their faces soaked with tears. Clarke is still shaking and trembling.

“Please don’t blame yourself. I will never forgive myself if I let you believe for a second that you have any fault in this. It is not your fault Clarke.”

At the sincerity of Lexa’s words, a relief came over Clarke as she accepts that at the least, Lexa doesn’t hate her, but it doesn’t excuse her for the fact that she allowed it to happen. 

“I am so sorry Clarke.. I don’t know if I can ever be forgiven. What I did was ”

“I never blamed you Lexa. There is nothing to forgive” Clarke looks into Lexa’s eyes, relaying unspoken words of understanding and unconditional forgiveness and love she has for this person. 

“I am sorry Lexa. I didn’t stop..”

Lexa bravely steps forward to embrace Clarke not wanting the blonde to continue with blaming herself. Clarke did not tense this time and hugged back. Lexa is feeling equal parts relief and guilty. What she did was unforgivable, but Clarke, she always tries to shoulder all the burdens and lessen other people’s pain. Although it may take some time before Lexa can forgive herself, she feels immensely relieved that their friendship is not beyond salvageable.

“Clarke, I should go and let you rest. We can talk about this later”

“Wait Lexa. When do you leave?” 

Lexa hesitates a moment before responding.

“I am not sure. I am having second thoughts about military school.”

“But why? You have always wanted to go and you have worked so hard for the opportunity.”

Lexa is touched. Clarke always supported her without any hesitation. If only Costia...

“Costia and I were fighting over this just before the accident. It's my fault she died. She wanted me to stay.” 

Lexa hangs her head down in guilt remembering the last argument she had with Costia. Clarke can’t help but lift her face up with both her little hands. 

“Lexa. Listen to me. I know you might think you need to make it up to Costia, or punish yourself in some way, but what happened to her was an accident. It is not your fault. You giving up on what you want and wasting such a wonderful opportunity granted to you, now that is a real sin and that is unforgivable.”

“Clarke” Lexa can’t relay words that could describe the feeling of support and understanding she is getting from this girl.

“How are you so smart?” Lexa grins with teary eyes and Clarke gives her a light smack on her forehead.

“It's just common sense Lexa. Now, when do you leave?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time apart

Lexa is still trying to come to terms with her deplorable actions, it never mattered that Clarke didn’t push her away, she shouldn’t have let herself be so intoxicated to the point she didn’t even recognize who she was in bed with. To make matters worst, she knows that was Clarke’s first time and she was in a fucking drunken haze. She probably traumatized Clarke but the blonde will never tell her so. 

It has helped that their strong friendship and shared grief has allowed them to talk through the immensely sensitive matter. They didn’t talk about the details of what went down that night, it was too awkward but they did get a chance to pour out their grief, their loss and feelings leading up to the mistake and the aftermath.

Lexa is grateful that Clarke being Clarke, is still trying to protect her and kept trying to put all the blame on herself. She figured they are similar that way. After exhaustive talks, they both agreed that what was done was done, and although unfortunate, they understood they made a mistake under the circumstances and are both to blame. Lexa knows there is still a way to go before their bond is mended and they get back to being at ease with each other like before. She tries to ignore the awkward tension creeping in whenever they stole unexpected looks at each other or the tingly feelings when they accidentally touched. 

They did manage to hug it out with relieved tears, understanding and forgiveness given without any hesitation. They renewed their best friend status to always be there for each other and pinky promised to keep in touch. That is more than Lexa can ask for now. 

Lexa said her goodbyes to Clarke and her friends and got on the train to TonDC, a 5hr trip away. She places her luggages in the compartment and slump down on the seat. She is weary and emotionally spent over everything that happened over the last two weeks. She closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath, thinking of the better times with Costia and trying to come to terms that she is no longer in her life, hoping she is ready to turn a new leaf and focus on the future. 

~

“Ahhh.. mmm.. Harder Lex!” Lexa presses the nape of her lover’s neck further into the pillow allowing the body to arch, raising those hips higher. With an iron grip, Lexa pounds harder, deeper and faster into the heavenly depths of her lover’s tight walls. She smacks their ass cheeks while she chases her own aching release. Her lover responsive to the rough treatment flutters and tightens their walls, squeezing her cock and milking her cum for all she is worth. Falling over to the side like jelly, her lover turns over to kiss her.

“Clarke?!”

Lexa jerked up, almost falling off her seat. 

“Fuck!” Lexa fumbles about trying to get her bearings, wiping away the drool with the back of her hand. The man opposite has a look of scorn and sniggers as he goes back to reading his documents.

Lexa steadies herself in the seat looking down at her lap to see an obvious bulge. Silently cursing herself, she discreetly moves her carry bag over her crotch holding it in place. She closes her eyes again willing for her rapid beating heart to calm and the bloody boner to go away. 

Breathe in to counts of 4, stop at counts of 2, breathe out to counts of 6. Repeat. 

Lexa curses after the 2nd repetition as images of a naked Clarke moaning under her floats in her mind and causes another big twitch in her cock. She feels hot and flush, embarrass and arouse. She is angry at herself for thinking such filthy thoughts of her best friend. Ever since knowing it was Clarke that night, Lexa can’t help but remember the more intimate details of each feeling, sound and touch from that night and she can’t stop thinking about it. It confuses Lexa. She has never thought of Clarke that way.

Clarke is very special to Lexa. There has never been any doubt in her mind that regardless of her relationship with Costia, even if they break up, Clarke will still play a part in her future. Clarke is like family, someone she will protect with her life. Clarke is her best friend, someone she trusts absolutely and confides in. Clarke, the girl she already loves with all her heart, but as a lover? Is it even possible? 

Lexa shakes her head. Everything feels too soon. She is not sure what these feelings mean and she doesn’t have any answers to it. All she knows is that now is definitely not the right time. She tries to focus back on her goals and goes back to counting breaths.

~~

Clarke feels a flurry of emotions after sending Lexa off. She feels sad and misses her friend already but she is also happy that Lexa is moving towards her goal and not wallowing in regret or guilt. They manage to help each other in the last few days to navigate through some very difficult emotions and Clarke can only be eternally grateful that Lexa did not leave without talking things out. Lexa to Clarke is always her constant, her pillar of strength. Their chats have given her the strength to forgive herself for her weakness, to face the loss of Costia and to overcome the fear of loneliness. Life should be more than just surviving, she remembers Lexa saying. She needs to get on with her life too.

~~~

It is hard to believe that Costia and Lexa have been gone in their different ways for nearly 10 months. It has been tough in the beginning, but Clarke tries to focus on her studies and painting has always helped when she is feeling emotional. Clarke as usual did not share much of her personal burdens with her college friends. There was only one person she could confide in, and although it is hard to find time, they both kept their pinky promise to make an effort to keep in touch. 

~  
Phone call from Clarke  
“I dreamt of Cos yesterday. She was yelling at me for using her lipsticks.”  
“Oh Princess. You know better than to touch her cosmetics. Those are her treasures.”  
“Yeah, I just love messing with her…. I miss her so much.”  
“Yeah me too. I miss you too. What else have you been up to?”  
“Other than missing you too… I have been trying to work on my art project. I am so stuck I don’t even have a theme yet. I am going to fail this subject”  
“Hey, you will figure it out, you always do. You are the smart one, remember.”  
“You think so.”  
“I know so. 

~  
Video Chat from Lexa  
“Happy 18th Birthday Clarke. You look amazing Princess. Did you receive my present?”  
“Yes. Thank you. I love your hand made card, and the art materials. Ok, I am not sure I appreciate this smock. ‘Pizza is my spirit animal’ Really? Where do you even find these things?”  
“Admit it, without Pizza you will be a lost soul. I had it custom made”  
“Lex! I don’t need life guidance by pizzas. I have a very capable mind for that. And I also have you.”  
“Umm...right, of course you do. So what did you get up to Princess?”  
“Anya took me and some friends to Grounders to celebrate. I had Tequila shots for the first time. We totally got wasted”  
“I AM GOING TO KILL HER!!”  
“Oops. Just don’t tell her I told you”  
“Well, then she shall die not knowing the reason why.”

~  
Phone call from Lexa  
“Claaarke! I am so tired I want to die. The drill sergeant is a monster.”  
“Hey, the Lex I know never complains. Maybe it is old age getting to you.”  
“Hey… that's not nice. He is pushing us really hard.”  
“Hard work pays off Lex. You taught me that. Don’t give up. I believe in you.”  
“Thanks Princess. Hearing that actually makes me feel a lot better.

~  
Phone call from Clarke  
“Anya has been trying to set me up with her friend.”  
“WHAT?!.... Why?”  
“Umm, not sure. She said I need to branch out, get to know more people. I mean I guess I am always in the art studio. She says she is just looking out for me. Are you upset?”  
“Oh, umm.. No, I am not upset. Just a bit surprised. Are you interested?”  
“His name is Wells. He is into Arts as well. I don’t know. He invited me to an art exhibition next week. I am not sure if I want to go.”  
“Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything. Umm, but you do what is comfortable for you princess. You can ask your friend to join you.  
“Ok”  
“You call me if he is making you feel uncomfortable. I will catch the next train back and strangle him.”  
“You are silly Lex. I can take care of myself. Don’t worry.

~

Message from Lexa  
“So… how did your date go?”  
“It’s not a date”  
“I don’t think he sees it that way”  
“You are not wrong. But I told him I wasn’t interested.”  
“You are not?”  
“No. We shared some art tips though.  
“Okay…”

~

Phone call from Lexa  
“You should see my abs. They are looking really good”  
“Humble much?”  
“Hey I train hard for these babies. Speaking of hard work, did you hear back about the art submission you slaved over the last few months?”  
“Yeah. They totally like my pieces. They said the expression of grief, acceptance and absolution is really powerful and they are planning to highlight it as one of the accompanying pieces along with the main event at the city gallery next month.”  
“See, I knew you could do it. I am so proud of you Clarke. I don’t know why you were so worried about it.”  
“Thanks for believing in me Lex. That means a lot. Will you be back in time to see it?”  
“Yeah we have the summer break next month. I will be back on the 15th.”  
“I can’t wait to see you. Can I come pick you up at the station?”  
“Umm, you don’t have to. I can ask Anya ”  
“No I want to.”

~~

Clarke is waiting nervously at the train station. She hasn’t seen Lexa for 325 days, not that anyone is counting, but she misses her friend in more ways than one. Clarke thinks about Lexa all the time. It's a strange connection Clarke couldn’t define, but it has always been there and it seems to be growing stronger. Even when they are apart, Lexa is still Clarke’s constant, a light in the darkness, her muse and her inspirations. If soulmates really exist, Clarke believes she has found hers in Lexa. But could they have anything more than friendship? 

“I am not her”. Clarke reminds herself. She knows she is not Costia, the woman Lexa loved. She knows Lexa probably just sees her like a little sister, a very good friend and nothing more. Clarke is beyond disappointed in herself for wanting something she shouldn’t have.

Clarke’s jaw slacks when the lean brunette steps out of the train in full cadet uniform. Her hair tied up neatly under her cadet cap. A dark grey shirt and a light grey tie tucked neatly under the dark blue long sleeve uniform and dark grey pants. Her posture is impeccable, her aura full of confidence and demands attention and that smirk causes Clarke to be weak on the knees.

“Clarke” Her voice booming as she marched over.

“Lex..a” 

Clarke can only manage a squeak before she is fully embraced and picked up off the ground in a bone crunching hug.

“You miss me huh”  
“I miss you”  
They both said in unison and gave each other the widest grin.

“I miss you so much. Come on cadet, let's get you home. Maybe you can show me those abs you keep boasting about” Clarke teases and lands a backhand on Lexa’s tout stomach, her hand feeling like it has been burned by fire. 

“Hey.. Just feed me some pizza and I might show you. I have not had junk food in 11 freaking months!”

They both sigh contently, unknowing why but feeling instantly comfortable around each other like being home at last.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not so Secret Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the supportive comments. Keep them coming. Here's a slightly longer chapter for you all. Enjoy peeps.

They get to Anya’s apartment where Lexa is staying during her break. Her friends have already gathered there. They ordered some Chinese takeaway and pizza delivery. After a few beers, it was like no time has passed when good friends gather and talk about the past year.

Anya pulls Lexa outside for a chat. She doesn’t know all the details of that night, but she knew enough and she was just glad her friends were mature enough to talk it out and kept their friendship together.

“So seeing anyone?”  
“No.”  
“Why not?”  
Lexa shrugs.  
“Costia?”  
“No, I have accepted that she is gone. I just want to focus on my training and I’m just not looking”  
“Well that is not right. You are a stud. We are going to Grounders and getting you laid.”  
“Speaking of Grounders. You are dead.”  
“Just like that? After all these years of friendship, you are not going to tell me the reason why?”  
“You got Clarke wasted. I told you to take care of her while I was gone.”  
“I did. Isn’t she just fine. We had so much fun. That girl can drink, and she can totally work the dance floor. You should have seen the guys trying to get into her pants.”

Lexa literally growls.

“Nothing happened ok. She is very capable of taking care of herself. And I am there. I won’t let anyone hurt her. You still care for her very much.”  
“I do. She is... my family”  
“It feels more than just family.”  
“Anya!”  
“I am just saying. Clarke is a great gal and I don’t see her dating anyone. She looks at you differently, like you hung the stars in the sky. In fact, see for yourself”

Lexa follows the tilt of Anya’s head back into the living room and catches blue eyes staring at her like deers caught in the headlight. Clarke quickly looks away and tunes into the closest conversation around her.

“See”  
“What are you implying?”  
“OMG, do I need to spell it out?  
“We are best friends. She looks up to me like a big sister. Furthermore, I am not starting anything on a two week break.”  
“So you are not saying no.”  
Lexa keeps silent.  
“Well as long as you are interested. I am just saying, you guys should talk.”  
“We talk all the time!”  
“Ok. Don’t talk then, just Fuck.” At that Anya quickly ran back to the safety of her friends.  
“I am so going to kill you, Anya!” Lexa yells and everyone looks at Anya for some juicy context. Of course she kept her mouth shut. 

The friends call it a night. Clarke has classes tomorrow and is saying her goodbyes when Anya pokes her arm. 

“Oh.. Hey Lex, Anya wants me to tell you if I don’t hear from her tomorrow to tell the police it was you.” Clarke shrugs and turns to leave.

Lexa locks the front door as she hears Anya yelling out goodnight and slamming her bedroom door.

Shaking her head but glad to be back amongst friends. It seems like she has much to think about of what Anya had said. 

~

The days leading up to coming back home and the anticipation of seeing Clarke has triggered an undesirable condition. Lexa wakes up with a morning wood, again. It bothers her somewhat the number of times a day she thinks about Clarke, naked, bent over, under her, over her, inside her, which is borderline creepy and obsessive. 

She gets into the hot shower and pumps her hard pulsing cock. Lexa tries to shake the dirty thoughts but she can’t deny her obsession. Stroking up and down on her cock, teasing the slit at the tip, precum already leaking, she imagines pinning Clarke against this very wall and taking her from behind. Thrusting into her tight walls balls deep and reaching to squeeze her soft voluptuous breast. On that note, she tightens her grip and quickens her strokes moaning "Clarke!" as she comes with a loud grunt, cum painting the shower tiles. She really needs to have a fuck no talk with Clarke.

~

Lexa paces outside the campus cafeteria. She has packed a special lunch for Clarke and messaged her to come out when she breaks for lunch. 

Lexa is losing her mind, going back and forth essentially with the one question. Should she pursue a more intimate relationship with Clarke. She has always felt a deeper connection with Clarke, they are more alike in their thinking and their personality basically compliments each other. She just feels happier for no apparent reason when she sees Clarke. What used to be platonic love has quickly developed into attraction and desire, needs and wants. 

But Lexa worries. Once she asks, their entire dynamic will change and if Clarke doesn’t feel the same way, she fears it will ruin their friendship for good. Her heart feels empty at the thought of not having Clarke next to her in her life’s journey. And it isn’t fair to Clarke, to start something and then leave her behind for another year. 

As Lexa deliberates, she couldn't help but catch a sight that has her ears burning. Looking across the lawn unblinking, she spots a smiley floppy hair boy walking obscenely close to her Clarke making her laugh at some stupid joke he must be telling. A fire burns in her gut and she wants to fire laser beams at this smiley boy, who she wants to murder for no apparent reason.

“See you later Finn. Hey Lex! What are you thinking about?”

Lexa jumped out of her stupor almost dropping Clarke’s lunch.

“Umm, hey. I… I was just thinking.. I mean I got you a surprise lunch?”  
“Ooooh.. What is it?”  
“It is a sandwich. Open it.”  
“Why do you need a cooler bag for a sandwich?”

Lexa grins as the blonde opens up the cooler bag.

“Is this.. Is this an ice cream sandwich!?”  
“Yup, your favourite cookies and cream ice cream in a sandwich. Quick eat before it melts.”

Clarke unwraps the foil and takes a bite into the cold soft creamy sandwich. 

“Mmmmmmm… oh Fuck that is sooo good Lex” Clarke lets out an orgasmic moan and Lexa’s cock twitches as she tries to contain her excitement. Lexa clears her throat needing to distract herself with something else. She takes her phone out and takes a snap.

“Hey! you delete that. I am a mess!”  
“No way, you are a mess, but a beautiful mess” Lexa bites her lips at the slip up and Clarke shyly searches for a napkin to wipe her mouth while her cheeks turn red.

“Um what are you doing for the rest of the day?”  
“I am going to visit my foster parents and spend some time with my foster siblings.”  
“That is very nice. You have always been so good and patient with them.”  
“Yeah, you too. Remember we babysat Tristan last year? He is 2 now. You were excellent at changing his diapers”  
“Of course I remember baby Tristan. His farts really smells but he is such a cute baby. I hope when I have my own kids, they will be cute like him. I wonder if he still remembers me. 

**Flashback**

“Clarke, how are you so good at this? I can’t believe you managed to change Tristan’s stinky diapers. It’s usually a shitty affair as he never lies still for anyone” Lexa scrunches her face to throw the dirty diaper while Clarke makes funny faces and sounds at the baby, stealthily buttoning up his cute little jumpsuit,

“I love kids. Don’t you?”

“Well I think you will make an excellent mum one day. I do like kids, I want a bunch of them. We will get a house with a big yard so they can roll on the lawn. Right Cos?” Lexa looked across her girlfriend dreamily who was lying comfortably on the sofa watching TV. 

“No way, I am not a baby birthing machine. Kids are trouble. See exhibit A- Clarke Griffin. She’s been a pain in my ass since her birth..” Costia chuckles and Clarke throws a toy at her sister.

“And aren't we too young to be talking about having a family?”

“Oh, it's never too early to plan.” Lexa grins evilly and throws her body over Costia’s and plants a few sneaky kisses on her face. 

“Hey… yuck.. Stop! The baby is innocent. Let us get outta here first.” Clarke huffs and runs out of the TV room with baby Tristan.

 **End Flashback**

Lexa grins at the memory. She has always envisioned a future with her loved one, their little family enjoying time together hanging out in the backyard. She used to think that life was with Costia, even though the elder blonde never thought much about it. 

But now Lexa can’t help picturing an older Clarke sitting in the yard watching her little lookalikes running around the lawn kicking a ball. Deep down Lexa wants to be the person sitting next to her, holding her hand and growing old together. She smiles dreamily at the thought. It will only be a thought if Lexa doesn’t make her move. So Lexa makes a decision before she loses courage. There is no point delaying something that feels inevitable right? 

“Hey Clarke, umm do you want to do something together?”  
“Yeah sure. What are you guys planning on?”  
“I mean just the two of us.”  
“Just you and me?”  
“Yes, you and me likeadate!”  
It took Clarke a few seconds to process that Lexa, her Lexa, the Lexa that has been constantly on her mind is actually asking her out on a date. Shock is an understatement.  
“Ooooh….”  
“Is that a No?” Lexa tilts her head, worried and embarrassed, what if she has got it all wrong and she has just made things really awkward.  
“Oh my god No! I mean Yes! I mean, you want to go on a ‘Date’ date with me??”

Lexa can’t help but smile at the cute confused blonde before she turns serious again. 

“Clarke, I know it is a bit sudden but I have been thinking about you a lot and I know in my heart, I am hoping we can be more than just friends.” 

“You.. you want us to be more than just friends?”

Lexa reaches out and gently takes hold of both of Clarke’s hands, and looks at the stunned girl hopeful and determined, hoping Clarke sees her the same way. 

“Yes Clarke. I really like you and this is what I want, if this is what you want too.”

“Oh my god Yes Lexa! I can’t stop thinking about you and I thought I was going crazy for wanting something more between us. Yes! Yes! Yes! Lexa! Pinch me and tell me I am not dreaming!” 

Lexa chuckles and squeezes Clarke’s hand.

“No you are not dreaming Clarke. May I come pick you up after your classes?”  
“Yes! My last class finishes at 4.”  
“Good. I will pick you up from your dorm at 5 then.”

Lexa closes in and gently pecks the corner of Clarke’s lips causing a deep flush to rise on the shy girl’s face. The girls parted with wide grins. Lexa leaves the campus with a spring in her steps and she has not felt so alive and excited in a long time. She didn’t expect a lunch visit to turn into a date, but she already knows what she wants to do with Clarke and she has to get some preparations done.

~

Lexa leans back nervously on her car waiting for Clarke outside the dorm. She gave herself a good pep talk.  
“Ok Lexa you can do it. You have taken the hardest step and that is to ask Clarke out. Just be cool for everything else.”

Be cool. Lexa snorts at herself. If Anya was here to witness, she would call her a useless lesbian. 

The late afternoon breeze brings a bout of sweet vanilla scent enticing Lexa’s gaze to follow the source. Her heart stops for a second, biting her bottom lips as she sees almost in slow motion the most beautiful angel, sauntering over in that carefree summer dress, the sun rays hitting her golden locks glowing like a halo, and her smile making Lexa’s heart blossom and feeling giddy.

“You are so beautiful Princess.”  
“Thank you. You look very charming and relax there. I am actually very nervous.”  
“Oh Princess.. You know what ducks look like under the water. Thats me right now. Calm on the surface, but padding furiously under and struggling to stay afloat. You make me weak on my knees.” 

The blonde gives the cutest giggle and Lexa wants to bottle it up and listen to it forever. 

“Where are we going?”  
“Patience, you will know soon.” Clarke gives her famous pout and Lexa wanted so much to kiss that pout away. 

Wherever they are going, it is far. However it didn’t matter as Clarke and Lexa chatter away like an old couple, like they aren’t just going on their first date. 

“I hope you are not trying to murder and bury me in the middle of no where on our first date”

Lexa raises her brow and looks around her surroundings and smiles evilly.  
“Well the secret is out now. Save your breath. No one can hear you out here. Woo hahaha” 

Lexa gets a big smack across the arms.

They reach a secluded parking area. Clarke gets out and discovers they are surrounded by coastal trees and bushes and sand on the road.

“We are at a beach?”

Lexa grabs some stuff from the trunk and pulls Clarke along a sandy path through the clearing leading to a totally secluded beach facing the blue ocean. 

“It’s beautiful Lex. How did you even find this place?”  
“My foster parents brought us here once. It is a bit out of the way, but it is a little known secret.  
Come, I have prepared a romantic picnic for us and we can watch the sunset in an hour.”

Lexa proceeds to lay out a beach rug, a glass cylinder holding a large candle inside it, and the goodies from her basket; A box of pizza, some beer and some other niknaks.

“Really Lexa. We are having cold pizza on our first date?” Clarke exclaims flabbergasted and actually totally impressed at the audacity of her date.  
“You love it, don't deny it. I know you Clarke.”  
Lexa smirks and earns another smack on the arm with a fluster looking Clarke, totally enjoying the fact she got it right as the blonde can’t contain a smile and is speechless. 

The two took off their shoes and sat down to enjoy their meal facing the majestic blue waters. They light the candle before getting up after their meal to go for a walk on the beach. Lexa sneakily intertwines their fingers as they leave footprints on the sandy beach. Clarke manages to pick up a variety of beautiful seashells along the way. It all feels very easy and natural like it was meant to be.

“Why did you bring me to the beach on our first date?”  
“Well I want to watch this gorgeous sunset with you. And collect these beautiful seashells for your collection and I actually have very fond memories of the last time at the beach. You see, there was this really clumsy blonde who hurt her leg and couldn’t walk. I have to carry her like a baby.” Lexa chuckles and starts running away as she sees Clarke fluster trying to hit her without luck, the latter chasing in pursuit.  
“How dare you!” Clarke yells feigning anger.  
Lexa slows down suddenly and turns, allowing the blonde to catch up and knock right into her chest causing the both of them to fall on the soft sand where Clarke lands right on top of Lexa panting. Green eyes gaze into blue and smiles, wrapping her arms tightly on the body above.

“You did that on purpose.”  
“Maybe I did. I got what I wanted. A beautiful woman on top of me.” Lexa smirks.

Clarke tries to get up and throws a few light punches at Lexa but Lexa was quicker grabbing her wrist and flipping them over and now she is kneeling closely over the blonde. 

Lexa moves her hand from the wrist to intertwine their fingers again, pressing it beside the blonde’s head as it sinks a little into the sand, their faces only inches apart. Gazing into Clarke’s darkened eyes, chest heaving both trying to control their ragged breaths, that flash of desire in Clarke’s eyes sends a shiver down her body. 

“Hey beautiful”  
“Hi” Clarke bit and licks her lips shyly but looks away seemingly feeling slightly overwhelmed by their position. Lexa, feeling a little concern shifts her body higher to put some space between them.

“Hey Clarke, you will let me know if you are not feeling comfortable, right? If it is too much or too fast, just tell me to stop.”

Clarke returns her gaze and smile, wiping away her dejected look.

“I will. Can you kiss me now?”

At the whispered request, Lexa relaxes her features slowly closing their distance and very gently plants barely there kisses on Clarke’s face. After a while, the pace becomes too gentle and slow for Clarke. She lifts her head to chase those plump lips and Lexa giggles as she succeeds in teasing the blonde. The blonde catches and bites onto her lower lip not letting go, and Lexa is so turned on by this impatient and determined side of the blonde.

Lexa closes the gap and kisses Clarke tenderly, nipping and coercing the blonde to release her lower lips. She takes the opportunity to add her tongue in when Clarke gasps. Their hot wet tongues meet for the first time and an indescribable connection overwhelms Lexa, pushing her to chase that sweet taste of love. Their tongues move in tandem like a well rehearsed dance, like two souls intertwined exploring uncharted territories. It fills Lexa with happiness and excitement, feeling the inexperienced blonde sucking her tongue and moaning in pleasure creates quite a stir in Lexa’s shorts.

Lexa feels dizzy and giddy but she didn’t want to take it too far on their first date so she gently slows down their kisses back to little pecks. She straightens her back, still on her knees and gently looks at the dazed blonde. 

“Want to swim?”

“Ok, umm but I didn’t bring any bathers.”

Lexa stands up and takes off her shirt and drops her shorts leaving her in just her sports bra and trunks.

Clarke’s jaw slacks as she stares at the fine sculpted abs and she couldn’t help but spot a very clear outline of an obvious bulge in those tight trunks. Lexa laughs at the cute blonde’s reaction but feels flustered when she follows the blonde’s gaze down her body. Instinctively she tries to cover her bulge with both her hands, cringing at her pathetic attempt knowing it is too late to hide anything. She clears her throat.

“Come on… I have shown you mine, now you show me yours.”

“Is this your master plan all along? Bring me to the beach just to get me wet and naked.” Clarke bites her lips and flusters after hearing her unintended innuendo. She gets up and slowly pulls away her dress leaving her face as red as the matching red laced bra and panties she is wearing.

Lexa has the biggest smug smile staring at the blonde bombshell.

“You got me there. Guilty as charged.” Lexa picks up the curvy blonde over her shoulders and runs into the water. The blonde yelps and tries to get away.

~

After frolicking in the water for a little while, the sun settles and the sky darkens. The ladies follow the light emitted by the large candle back to their rug. They dry themselves and lay on the rug side by side looking up at the stars.

“Lexa.”  
“Yes Clarke”  
“I had a really fun time. Thank you for asking me out.”  
Lexa turns her body to the side facing Clarke and rests her head on one hand. Clarke turns her head so she can look at Lexa.  
“I am really glad you had fun. I almost didn’t have the courage to ask you out.”  
“Why?”  
“I… I was afraid you didn’t want me the same way and only looked up to me like a sister.”  
“I didn’t. I mean, when Cos was still alive, I was just happy to be a part of your lives together. You guys never minded me being the 3rd wheel. I didn’t dare to think more of it. But you are so special Lexa. I cannot begin to tell you how important you are to me, or count the number of times you have saved me. That’s why I…”

Clarke falters, “That’s why I love you” she thought but knew it was too soon to say it out loud.

“That’s why you are you and I will always want to be with you in whatever capacity as long as you will have me. Do you think what we are doing is wrong?”

Lexa listens to the heartfelt confessions. She doesn’t know if anyone will think this is fucked up or see it as wrong, but she knows in her heart, everything that happened had happened for a reason which leads them to here and now.

“After Cos and what happened to us that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I thought it may have been guilt, an infatuation or just filling a void that Costia left. But in the last year I have come to realize that I can’t imagine a future without you, Clarke. Whenever I picture what I want in my life, there isn’t a moment where I don’t see you standing there beside me. You complete me, and you make everything in my world right, you always have. You are not just my best friend, you are my soulmate. There is no space in my heart for anyone else. So how can something that feels absolutely right be considered wrong?”

Tears form in the eyes of both girls as they tenderly gaze at each other overwhelmed by their emotional confessions for the other. Clarke leans forward to capture Lexa’s trembling lips with a tender kiss.

“I feel the same Lex.”

Clarke rolls over Lexa, deepening their kisses, her hand slowly making its way down to finally rake those magnificent abs. Clarke tilts her head to kiss Lexa’s chiseled jaws, and slowly down her neck to her collarbone, enjoying Lexa’s hard abs tightening when she sucks on a particularly sensitive part of her body. Clarke grinds her hips down causing a filthy moan from below.

“Clarke!” Lexa whispers a breathless warning.

“If you don’t stop, I won’t be able to control myself.”

“Then don’t.”

With the last ounce of strength, Lexa flips their bodies and hovers over the blonde.

“Clarke, I really want you, so badly. But I want to treat you right and this is neither the place or time for it.”

Clarke smiles up at the considerate face above her and nods in agreement.

“Yes, you should at least buy me a proper dinner first.” 

Lexa grins and gives the blonde another peck before pulling both of them up. They pack their stuff and head back to the car, chattering and making little plans for their next date. It was quite late by the time they got back to Clarke’s dorm room.

Their faces are beaming with happiness as Lexa leans in for a final good night kiss, which quickly turns into another passionate make-out session.

“If you don’t go now I am going to drag you into my bed and have my way with you, regardless if my roommate is watching.” 

Lexa groans, really enjoying seeing this thirsty side of Clarke, but she digresses. 

“You are such a tease. Goodnight my Princess. The gang is meeting up at Grounders tomorrow night. I will come pick you up.”

Lexa sighs in the car quietly reflecting and affirming all the emotions from the day. Clarke wants her the same way. Lexa is content, and is somewhat amazed with her self control. Clarke’s going to be the death of her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one.

Lexa has never been a jealous person or so she thought. 

Lexa and Clarke arrive at Grounders and they have decided not to disclose their new relationship to their friends yet. They didn’t need their friends teasing them about it. 

Everyone is in a particularly good mood and drinks kept flowing. Lexa is happy to see her friends, but she really can’t keep her eyes off Clarke. The blonde is charming and witty and holds her own with conversations and drinks. It didn’t surprise Lexa that she is falling more and more for this blonde. She just wants to be closer to Clarke and did not hesitate when the blonde pulls her out to the dance floor.

Clarke sways closely in front of her, every now and then turning around to press her back against Lexa’s front, grinding slightly before pulling back and dancing just out of reach, her head turning around with a smirk. The teasing has Lexa sweating and her pants tightening. She is about to abandon any sense of control to pull the blonde into her arms when someone calls Clarke’s attention away. A group of her college friends have gathered and dragged her away for drinks and dance. Clarke turns to look apologetically at Lexa as she heads off. Lexa waves and wink at Clarke indicating for the blonde to go enjoy herself while she returns to their table. 

~

“Hey are you even listening to me?” Anya whines and knocks on Lexa’s head.  
“What!?” 

Anya can see Lexa’s death grip on the beer glass and follows her eyes in the same direction and smirks.

“Told you Griffin is a party animal on the dance floor. Oh that floppy hair boy there, he was here on her 18th as well. Shit, looks like he is all over Clarke. I wonder if there is something between them”

Lexa growls. That did it for her. She moves and wriggles her way through the dancing crowd as she hone in on that same floppy hair boy ‘Flint or Fuck what ever his name is’, fire burning in her eyes.

The closer she gets, the more agitated she feels. They are not touching but the boy’s treacherous body is scheming to get closer and closer behind her girl. His jerking hips behind Clarke has Lexa fuming. As he is about to lay his filthy hands on Clarke’s hip, Lexa loses it and swoops in to grab his wrist and twist his arm behind causing the boy to bend over and cry in pain. There are a few surprised gasps as Clarke turns around confused at the scene before her. 

She brings the boy up closer and growls into his ear.

“Step away boy. Clarke is taken.” Lexa then releases her grip and gives him a little shove in the other direction pushing him away.

The shocked boy looks at Clarke, and back at her, and then to Clarke again who can only give an apologetic nod to the boy sending him on his way. 

“I don’t know what happened but that is not very nice.”

Clarke is angry, but Lexa is feeling possessive. She pulls the blonde towards her body abruptly but gently wraps her arms around her lower back, swaying their bodies to the music as she leans in to speak into Clarke’s ear.

“I don’t like the way he looks at you. You are Mine.”

Clarke shivers at the sensual aggressive way Lexa says that word ‘Mine’. The jealousy is uncharacteristic of her usually gentle mate, but somehow the possessiveness is totally turning her on.

“He… he is my friend” she stutters, failing miserably to voice out her anger as Lexa tightens her hold and tries to bring their bodies closer but Clarke’s arms come up against her chest adamant to keep a distance. Lexa loves seeing the fire in Clarke’s eyes knowing the blonde can very well take care of herself. She knows she has overstepped and probably overreacted. 

“I am sorry. He was trying to grab you and I just lost it. I don’t know what came over me.” Clarke softens her gaze and posture at her confession, so she takes the opportunity to tip Clarke’s chin up with her fingers and lean in to nibble the blondes lips softly to express her apology without further words. When Clarke whimpers and lowers her arms to the side, Lexa pulls the blonde closer and tightens her hold. The blonde envelops her arms around Lexa’s neck pulling her down deepenning their kiss, she knows then that she has been forgiven.

“But I don’t regret it. Now he knows to keep a respectable distance from my woman”

Clarke rolls her eyes but can’t help smiling. “Dance with me you jerk” 

Lexa returns a smirk and a playful wink and brings their hands up to rave to the music.

For the rest of the night the girls dance to the techno beat on the dance floor. Lexa can’t keep her hands and lips off the blonde, totally disregarding the fact that their friends are watching them intently in amusement.

~

“Alright kiddos. Unattach yourselves. We are home.” Anya rolls her eyes, looking unamused at her intoxicated friends whispering incomprehensible words at each other and then giggling uncontrollably, totally wrapped up in each other’s world in the back seat of the taxi.

It is not easy guiding the swaying and laughing bodies up the stairs but they managed to enter their apartment relatively unscathe. Before Anya has secured the locks, she hears a loud bang as the door to the guest room closes.

“Shit, already? Those crazy bunnies sure not wasting any time.”

~

Lexa pulls Clarke into her bedroom and pushes her against the closed door, trapping the blonde with her body and locking her hands above her head. If it was a little too rough, no one seems to care. Lustful green locks on to hooded blues that are filled with desire as she captures those alluring lips. The kiss is rough and messy with hot lips biting, tongues lashing, ruffled panting. Lexa grinds her hip against Clarke and they both moan into each other's mouth. Lexa moves to suck and bite on the blonde's neck and rips the offending shirt off her lover’s body to give her more access to skin. In her hastiness, there is no time to enjoy the view, her fingers roughly drag down the bra to uncover her lover’s pink nipples, wrapping it in her mouth in an instant. Her lover thrashes and whimpers against the door as she nips and sucks with her mouth sending more arousal to her hard cock. 

Lexa unbutton her lover’s jeans and slips her hand into the hot cavern feeling the slick on the wet folds. She heard cries and her lover bucks into her palm on contact and Lexa is ready to fuck her right against this door.

Knock! Knock! Knock! The sound coming from the door right beside their heads.

“Kids, Remember Safe Sex and don’t wake the neighbours. Don’t do anything you will regret!” 

“Fuck Anya!” Lexa curses under her breath. But the unexpected interruption gave Lexa a brief moment of clarity from her drunken lust. She looks at Clarke’s swollen lips, the angry marks along her creamy skin, the half torn bra and the teeth marks around the strain nipples. She frowns and carefully removes her hand from Clarke’s jeans and leans her forehead on the door.

“Lexa?”

Clarke calls a second time when she remains unmoving.

“Lexa, what’s wrong?”

Lexa moves her forehead against Clarke’s. She was feeling ashamed of herself, her actions controlled by drunken lust and not by her love for this woman.

“I am sorry Princess. I want to do this right. I fucked up our first time, and I almost did it again. Fuck, I want you so much but I want our real first time to be special. You deserve so much more than drunken sex against a door.. ”

Clarke leans in and gives Lexa a tender kiss showing her understanding and agreement. Lexa melts into the kiss. Possessive and rough Lexa is hot, but this Lexa is the one Clarke fell in love with. 

“No drunken sex then.”

“Nope. Not a very good idea. Now let's get you changed and go to sleep.”

After their adrenaline rush settles, their bodies crash into the soft bed, both girls on the brink of blacking out. 

Lexa wraps her arm around the soft warm body in front, snuggling her body impossibly closer, letting out a content sigh. Just before she loses consciousness to the darkness, she vaguely hears a whisper from the body in front.

“I love you”

Lexa isn’t sure if she heard it right but for the first time in her life she feels at peace.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT Alert.. Aaaar! I am so excited and scared. Sorry very new in writing smut but I really enjoyed writing this penultimate chapter. Hope you guys have as much fun reading as I did writing. Enjoy and you know your comments feeds me real well :P

Clarke wakes with her eyes remaining closed, content with the cozy and serenity of the waking moment albeit a slight hangover. Her senses quickly focus on the warm body wrapping her from behind. The weight of their arm around her stomach and the heat from the soft body behind, but she can’t help but focus on something that is poking her from behind. 

She gently backs into it feeling the hard muscle and is surprised by the return thrust. She gasps and snaps her eyes open and tilts her head back, the beautiful brunette still in her slumbers but with a contented smile on her relaxed face. She thrust again and let out a low moan. Clarke sucks in her breath, the sensation sending shivers down her core, she clenches her thigh and feels a warm pool of wetness spilled into her underwear.

She turns her body around to observe the beauty now facing her. She seems to be enjoying her little dream. Clarke wonders if it is her Lexa is dreaming about. What if it is someone else? Slightly dejected by that thought, Clarke carefully rolls off the bed and decides to go get a shower to get rid of the unpleasant smell from the previous night’s partying. 

~

Lexa suddenly feels cold when the warm presence disappears. She peeks her eyes open finding she is all alone. She suddenly panics, remembering snippets of her being really rough with Clarke the previous night. Shit, she hopes she didn’t do anything stupid and scared the blonde away. She hears the shower turn on in the bathroom and breathes a sigh of relief, Clarke is still here.

She sees her aroused cock and she remembers her dream. A naughty idea pops in her mind. Lexa rolls off the bed, takes off her clothes and sneaks into the bathroom. She takes in the beautiful sight, hot steam water rolling down the white creamy and curvy body. She steps closer standing behind the blonde, as she swallows a lump in her throat, she gently places her hands on the sides of the bare hips in front.

“Clarke” she calls in a low sensual voice.

The body jumps a little and tense momentarily but leans back and relax slightly into the body behind. 

“Hey. You are awake. What are you doing here?”

Lexa knows that this is a bold step, they haven’t even seen each other naked before but this is as good a place to start.

“I am here hoping to continue my dream. Here, let me help.” Lexa takes the sponge from Clarke’s fingers and starts to lather her back in gentle but firm circular motions.

“Continue your dream?” 

The blonde arches her back when Lexa lathers up from her thigh to the sensitive part of her ass crack. 

“Yes, I woke up from my dream when you left the bed. It was a really good dream”

Lexa moves her hands and the sponge to the front and slowly foams up her stomach, up towards her chest while her other hand follows the trail massaging the silky foam into the skin in circular motions. Each delicate touch sending goosebumps rising on her lover’s skin.

“Mmm.. Oh... I’m sorry. Tell me, what were you dreaming about?”

Lexa cups Clarke’s breast pulling her body closer and thrust her hips involuntarily as she gets excited at the prospect of making her dreams come true. 

“Fuck.. Lex!” Clarke exhales sharply as she feels Lexa’s hard rod slides against her lower back. 

Lexa slowly turns the blonde around pulling her into the water and rinsing off the excess soap. She hungrily eyes the beautiful creature in front of her, finally able to appreciate her angel intimately. When she caught Clarke’s eyes, she was staring hungrily at her womanhood. 

“My eyes are up here beautiful.” Lexa smirks. The blonde turns beet red and it is definitely not from the hot water. 

“Are you ok? Do you want me to continue?” Lexa asks softly, looking at the shy blonde, wanting to make sure that she is not showing any signs of discomfort with the intimacy.

The blonde is embarrassed and only nods. Lexa gently steps the blonde back against the wall. She kneels down to the level of Clarke’s crotch and looks up with gentle eyes at the blonde who is looking flustered and slightly confused. 

“In my dream, I was a knight and I saved the princess from a horrible monster. As a reward, the princess promised me a taste of her sweet ambrosia.”

Lexa glances at Clarke’s glistening folds before looking back up at blue hooded eyes for permission. Clarke understands her intentions and gives a shy nod. Lexa smiles and swallows the lump in her throat as she moves to lift Clarke's leg over her shoulders, her other hand holding firmly on the hips making sure that her girl is steady before she closes her eyes and leans in for the first taste.

“Mmm, Clarke, you taste like sweet nectar” she hums, the vibration causing Clarke to shiver and gasps and her knees almost collapsing. Lexa holds Clarke tighter, flattening her tongue for another lap from the entrance to the swollen clit. Lexa feels like she is on cloud nine. She has dreamed about this many times over the last few months but nothing compares to the real thing. She is already addicted. The gasps and whimpers encourage her to further explore the folds and dips her tongue into Clarke’s warm and wet entrance. 

“Ohhh.. Lex!” Clarke moans and her hands fly down to grip the hair on Lexa’s head pushing her face against her crotch grinding for more contact, whimpering and panting. 

Lexa smiles as she enjoys the needy sounds, she thrust in deeper and faster as she senses the tight walls fluttering around her tongue. Anticipating her lover’s impending release, Lexa moves to flick her tongue fervently around the clit, and sucks the pulsing bud with vigour. Clarke tensed and let out a carnal moan. Lexa looks up at her angel, eyes shutting, and mouth slacking in an O shape, her cock twitches and pulses excitedly at the sight and sound of the pleasure she has just given her angel. 

She carefully place Clarke’s shaky leg back down, moving her body forward to let the blonde hold on to her until they can stand properly. Lexa kisses her way up worshiping Clarke’s body but the blonde pulls her straight up and kisses her passionately, tasting herself on the lips, moaning into each other. The new experience they shared together once again brings them intimately closer.

“Is that ok for you, beautiful?”  
“Oh… Ok? Lex, It was amazing. Your mouth.. Your tongue.. It's so hot and wet and it feels.. It feels just Incredible. I have no words for it. I can’t think. Oh my god I can’t even breathe”

Lexa chuckles at the cute blonde rambling away, delighted she has given her a memorable first oral experience.

“All I wanted is to make you feel good. Now my Princess, why don’t we finish up here and move to the bed so that I can continue to show you my dream.  
“Oh.. my brave knight, my saviour. Take me to bed please.”  
Lexa growls intent on playing up this charade, she carries her blonde bridal style and marches to the bed.

Lexa lays the blonde in the center of the bed as she kneels and hover over the bare body supported by her hands. In the natural morning light, Lexa can’t help but appreciate every wholesome detail of the young blonde, her intense gaze causing Clarke to squirm a little and shyly moves her hands and arms to cover parts of her body.  
Lexa smiles and shuffles down and gently moves the arm covering her crotch and thigh and sensually kisses the revealing skin there carefully avoiding the sensitive areas.

“Sweetheart, you are so beautiful and perfect”. Lexa murmurs as she moves up to move Clarke’s other arm covering her breast and chest. Lexa gazes up to see darkened blue eyes watching her worship her skin and Lexa hones into wrapping her hot mouth over Clarke’s pink areola, sucking at the nipple. 

She loves the little sounds, and body tensing of her lover reacting to her every touch and Lexa thanked the heavens and bloody Anya for cockblocking her last night. She would never have been able to enjoy the heavenly sensations she is feeling now in her drunken haze.

Lexa gives the other breast the same attention, and her little impatient blonde is trying to use her hands to pull her body closer so their skins are touching. Lexa smirks as she nips the nipple, shifting lower onto her elbows letting her body settle in between Clarke’s thighs. 

Lexa can feel Clarke pulling her knees up and naturally spreading open for her. Her heavy cock conveniently tucks warmly between Clarke’s wet folds and causes both bodies to shudder. It makes Lexa’s heart so full knowing Clarke desires her as much as she does. 

Lexa releases her nipple and moves to bring their mouths together, kissing sensually as their bodies tortuously grinds against each other. She can come just from the skin on skin sensations and the little whimpers and moans from her angel beneath. She buries her face into Clarke’s neck, breathless at the sensation and the anticipation of being inside her, something she only dreams of.

Except that one time. At the memory of that time, Lexa looks back up at her beautiful angel with some hesitation. Clarke’s eyes are closed tight, her heart wrenching at the single teardrop streaming down from closed lids, and another threatening to fall. Feeling unsure and weary if Clarke is ready for what comes next, she slows her movements to a halt.

“Clarke baby. Are you alright?”

Clarke slowly opens her hooded eyes lost in the moment and confused at the lack of movement. She looks up at watery green eyes boring at her, as she feels a thumb wiping away wetness on her cheeks. The look of Lexa showing concern or guilt or hesitation. Clarke couldn’t tell, she only knows she doesn’t want the pleasure to stop.

“Lex. Don’t stop.” Clarke bucks her hips and wraps her legs around Lexa’s hips, her ankle pressing down on her ass, pulling Lexa in. 

“Ok… Wait… should I go get a condom?”

“No Lex! I want you. I am on birth control. Please, I need you… inside me, now.”

Lexa exhales a long breath. It is everything she needs to hear and she did not need to be told twice. With renewed vigour, she captures Clarke’s lips again as she guides her heavy cock to Clarke’s wet folds, the previous ministration and her own precum leaking causing her hard length to be well lubricated. 

“Whatever you want Clarke.”

Lexa gazes into hooded blue eyes as she lines herself to Clarke’s entrance and slowly thrust into the tight ring, the wetness and warmth envelops her cock in an instant, sending shivers all over her body forcing her eyes to close at the sensation. 

This time there was no denial. It was tight and welcoming. The blonde sucking her in as she manages to sheath her entire length into Clarke’s hot cavern and that is the best feeling she has ever felt. She has to slow down her breathing to keep from coming immediately.

Lexa pulls backs before thrusting fully into Clarke again, earning her a carnal moan. She starts slow, with long, deep strokes causing the body under her to squirm and whimper with delight. The thrust forcing those soft round breasts to jiggle and Lexa can’t help but treat herself to a nipple again licking and sucking, loving the sensation of the nipple hardening and pebbled in her mouth. She does love Clarke’s breast. These little ministrations cause her lover’s walls to flutter around her length. Lexa moves to envelop Clarke’s head with her arms giving her steadiness to increase her pace, thrusting harder and deeper with the sole intensive purpose to bring orgasmic pleasure to her lover.

“Yes! Aaah.. Lex.. Fuck.. oh my god. Right there..mmmm” 

Lexa shoves her tongue into the gasping mouth kissing Clarke passionately, feeling their souls intertwining, taking her breath away. The sounds of the wetness squishing every time her cock bottoms out as she continues to hit that deep spot for the blonde heightens her own pleasure, but it is the incredible feeling of Clarke’s walls fluttering wildly around her throbbing cock that is about to send Lexa off the edge. She can feel that she is about to explode as she thrust shallowly and sloppily.

“Ahh. umph.. God you feel so fucking good… ugh.. Clarke, I love you. Come with me!”  
“A..a..ah. Lex!...aaaaaaaah!...”

The loving declaration tips Clarke over the edge as she tensed and arch her body. The tightness of Clarke’s orgasm tips Lexa over as she shuts her eyes and blinding lights rip through her eyelids, her body tightens and ropes and ropes of cum exploded inside the blonde’s womb. Clarke’s pussy continues to contract wildly squeezing her cock dry, their combined cum overflowing and leaking out wetting the bed sheets.

Lexa is boneless as she lays most of her weight on top of Clarke, her energy spent after the intense orgasm, her head resting on the pillowy chest, listening to the rhythm of their manic hearts pounding.

“Mine” Lexa mumbles.

Clarke chuckles and relaxes her fingers from Lexa’s back, surely to have caused some deep scratch marks on her lover. She rests an arm over her eyes, the other hand moves to soothe Lexa’s head on her chest.

“Yours. Only yours, Lexa. I love you too.”

Lexa snaps her head up, looking tenderly at blue gentle eyes gazing at her like she hung the stars, very well aware that she is the only person Clarke has been intimate with. 

“I am yours too. I love you so much Clarke.” Lexa whispers closing the distance of their lips, tenderly kissing her lover, her heart filling so full. Her movements cause her cock that is still inside Clarke to stir and they both shudder again at the sensitive ministration.

“So… in my dreams my Princess comes until she has to beg for her powerful knight to stop.” 

Lexa wiggles her brows and jiggles her hips earning her a big smack on the ass from her blonde angel. They end up making sweet love for several more rounds until their bellies groans in objection.

The remaining week flew by in a blur. Anya is beyond pissed, catching the couple defiling the apartment too many times to count.  
Monday night  
“Aaar my eyes! My eyes! Are you fucking kidding me? On the benchtop! I cut my veges there. Fuck you two”

Tuesday morning  
“Fuck off! I just left a minute ago and you guys are already humping on my couch. Lex you better buy me a new couch before you leave. I am never forgetting my fucking phone again.”

Wednesday night  
‘KNOCK!KNOCK!KNOCK! I need to piss. STOP fucking in my bathroom!

Thursday morning  
“OUT! OUT! You two need to get out. Don’t you have classes to attend Clarke!”

Friday  
“Ah Thank Heavens for marathon movie drive through. Peace at last”

Late Saturday Afternoon  
“Urgh.. you two are so gross. Can you stop it? We are in the City Gallery, a very public place with little kids. Please think about the kids!!” Anya whines as Clarke detaches her lips from Lexa and pulls her to the gallery section displaying her artwork. 

Lexa reads the label. "Canvas: Grief, Acceptance and Absolution : Painted by Clarke Rose Griffin. In loving memory of Costia Lily Griffin”

Lexa is touched by the canvases, like her soul is being recognized. She looks at Clarke teary eyed. 

“These are beautiful Clarke." 

“The darkness in this piece, it brings up so many old, dark emotions. How I felt when Costia passed away, the grief, guilt and desperation. It led me to making one of the worst mistakes in my life, but I could never regret it, because it led me to the light, to you.”

She tightens her grip on Clarke’s hand and pulls their bodies closer.

“You saved me Clarke. You taught me how to accept and own up to my mistake instead of making excuses and living in guilt and misery. The green and blue in this piece gives me that feeling of so much hope with acceptance.” 

Lexa wraps Clarke into her body and their forehead touches.

“This last piece here, absolution. Your use of white spaces gives me a feeling of a clean slate. Your forgiveness has given me absolution and allowed me to move on, allowing us to get to where we are today. Your work is incredible Clarke. You are incredible. I love you.”

Clarke cradles Lexa’s face, using her thumb to wipe away a rolling tear, knowing a few drops have fallen from her eyes as well. She leans in with a gentle peck. “I feel the same Lex, and it is you who saved me and inspire me. I always choose to hide my feelings, I chose to run after what had happened, but thanks to you, for owning up to your actions, for wanting to make things right, for talking to me and not giving up on me. You have given me absolution and purpose to live and not just survive. You are my strength and my inspiration. I love you Lexa Woods, very very much.”

Anya rolls her eyes at the two sappy lovebirds, but secretly wipes a little tear away, glad her two friends can overcome what could have been a disaster. It saddens her that their new found love will have to be put on hold very soon when Lexa returns to military camp tomorrow.

~  
Sunday Train Station  
“I am going to miss you so much”  
“I know, I am sorry Princess. I will miss you too. This time next year, I will be back and you will be out of college. I hope we can find a place together. I want you to know, I would like to spend the rest of my life with you if you will have me.”

Clarke gazes into the beautiful green eyes, her heart feeling so full, she wonders how she has fallen so deep in such a short amount of time. Then again, these feelings were probably there from the first time she laid eyes on this wonderful woman. 

“You have me Lex and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. As I revise the chapter and typed out the the last few sentences, it feels like I could just end the story here with a bittersweet ending... what do you think?
> 
> I do have some draft points (probably SMUT :P) for the final chapter and some ideas for an epilogue. 
> 
> If you are interested in me expanding the story, feel free to throw in some plotlines or prompters for me to explore. Most of this fic is focused on Clexa with some angst in the beginning. But I don't have any ideas coz they are so in love and perfect together. I probably don't want to write too much angst between them. But if you have any good ideas of introducing new characters, angst and drama that Clexa can tackle together, feel free to share it my way ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi peeps. I can't believe we have arrived at the final chapter of this fic, for now. Sorry it is mostly smut :P 
> 
> It has been the most enjoyable week of writing. Probably spent way too much time on it but all worth it.
> 
> The epilogue is in progress, will be a few years time jump to revisit our lovely couple. 
> 
> As usual I look forward to read your lovely feedback and comments. Cheers.

It's Clarke’s final year in college, so she decided to move out of the dorm and find a studio apartment nearby. She got a studio because she didn’t really want a roommate and she can use the space to set up an area for her artwork. She is really lucky she found a gem in a really old building, the studio is on the top floor and the inside is rustic but charming with two large windows bringing in bountiful sunshine.

Today is Clarke’s 19th birthday. It’s a lazy Saturday morning and Clarke is rolling in her bed past 10am as she celebrated with her friends late into the prior night . Clarke loves her friends, but she wants her birthday weekend all to herself so she can wait for Lexa’s video call whenever she is free. 

It has been 6 long months since Lexa headed back to TonDC. It was really tough in the beginning, her heart, her mind and her body craves the warmth and presence of her soulmate. Some nights just thinking of how much longer she has to wait before she gets to touch Lexa again has her heart aching and she feels so sad that she will sob quietly into her pillow. But just like Lexa has a sixth sense, she always gets a timely message that makes her feel all better again.

Messages from Lexa  
“Thinking of you tonight. I miss you Princess. Sleep tight and sweet dreams. Hope you have a wonderful week ahead 💗💗💗”

"You are my sunshine ☀️. I just need to think about your smile, and my day is brighter already 😘" 

“Winter is coming. I sent you a really cute raccoon beanie, gloves and scarf set. Hope it will keep you warm and cuddly this winter. Thinking of you always. 💗💗💗

“Miss me?” 😘 😈

~

Clarke looks out of her studio window, gloomy with a light drizzle of soft snow. Although the scene is magical, it didn’t give Clarke the will power to get out of bed. She rolls over to collect her phone. Clarke beams with excitement as she sees a new message from Lexa at 6am.

Message from Lexa  
“Happy Birthday my Princess. I hope you had a lovely night with your friends. I wish I could be there holding you in my arms, naked preferably. I Love U 😘 💗💗💗” 

Clarke quickly types a reply  
“Morning babe. I just woke up. I had a great night, but my only birthday wish is to be in your arms, yes most definitely skin only. 😘 😈”  
“I am going to be home this weekend. Call me anytime when you are free to chat. Love ya. 💗💗💗”

With renewed vigour, Clarke rolls off her bed determined to make good use of her day. Shower first and then make herself a hearty brunch. 

~

Clarke looks at her phone again after cleaning down the kitchen after having a classic big breakfast; toast, eggs, bacon, sausages, hashbrown and some avocado for nutritional value. It is 12:15pm and the symbol on her phone is indicating that Lexa has read her message but there was no response.

Feeling dejected, Clarke sets up a new canvas on her easel and decides to spend her time painting. She puts on an old shirt that she stole from Lexa, (for inspiration purpose), the material long enough to just cover her underwear. She decides why bother with pants when she is home alone and the heater is on full blast. Clarke sticks the airpods into her ear and turns on her favourite playlist - ‘French Cafe’, sips on her second cup of coffee and zones out waiting for inspiration.

~

Clarke realizes the music wasn’t playing in her earpods anymore. It seems the music is strangely coming from the speakers in the room. Clarke moves her gaze from the canvas to her phone which is no longer there by her side.

“Oh my god!!”

Clarke screams in panic as strong arms suddenly wrap around her shoulders. Clarke struggles for a moment before she takes in a familiar scent as she feels hot lips caressing the skin on her ear. 

“Lexa?”

Clarke tilts her head to find a smiling beauty who takes no time in taking her breath away and capturing her lips.

~

Lexa could not wait any longer to capture those lips, she has been missing Clarke everyday for the past 6 months and she cannot wait another second. 

Normally cadets in training cannot leave camp even during weekends, but Lexa has put in a special request a few months in advance. Lexa wanted to surprise Clarke for her birthday. She jumped on the first train this morning at 7am so that she can make the most of the day with Clarke. She will have to return to duty at camp by 3pm the next day which means she has to catch an early train out. Despite the 10hr trip back and forth, Lexa feels it is all worth it if she can spend the day with Clarke celebrating her first birthday as a couple.

She knows Clarke will be at home waiting for her video call this weekend and the blonde also told her she asks Anya to hold her spare key as a backup in case she forget or loses her keys. When Lexa arrives at the studio with the backup keys, she leans her ear against the door to see if she can hear anything but it is all quiet. Taking the chance that Clarke might still be in bed or in the bathroom, Lexa uses the key to quietly sneak in. 

It is the first time she’s been in the studio. Clarke had sent her a few photos before, but nothing prepares her for the sight in front. Her beautiful angel in a loose shirt, bare thighs sitting on a stool in front of the easel. Those bare thighs definitely warms up Lexa’s member. It didn’t take much really, she has been thinking of Clarke naked since receiving the message earlier. 

She finds beauty in Clarke’s concentration, fully immersed in the motion of creating her masterpiece and totally unaware of another person in the room. 

Lexa takes off her shoes quietly and stealthily walks towards the blonde. She notices the curvy body gently swaying, and the angelic sounds of her lover humming to some melody. Lexa takes another moment to appreciate the beautiful blonde and starts scheming on how she can ravage her lover and make Clarke her’s over and over and over again.

Lexa spotted Clarke’s phone on the side, she sneaks over to grab it. She syncs the music to the bluetooth speaker in the room instead and waits patiently for the blonde to realize the change. When the blonde finally looks to the side for her phone, Lexa captures the blonde from behind. Lexa did not quite expect the loud scream and struggle from the feisty blonde, but she leans in to nip her ear and the blonde finally settles. Hearing her name being called out from Clarke gives Lexa all sorts of fuzzy and happy feelings making her smile widely. Clarke finally turns her head where their eyes meet. 

Lexa kisses Clarke like she has been starved of these lips for the past six months, which is factually true. Clarke manages to squeak out a “How?” but Lexa swallows the question and continues with the passionate makeout, pulling her lover up and turning Clarke around to face her body. 

“Less talk.. More kisses” Lexa murmurs as she places open mouth kisses down Clarkes neck, sucking at her pulse point while she manages to maneuver them towards the large windows, Clarke’s back hitting the cold glass pane.

“Oh my god!” Clarke shivers on contact with the cold glass.

Lexa gives Clarke a moment of reprieve to catch their breaths while they eye hungrily at each other. Lexa is still in her cadet uniform which she knows Clarke is crazy for, but Lexa is in full lust looking at her lover’s flimsy shirt secured only by a single button and Fuck, no bra.

“Mmm” Lexa hums.

“I guess Birthday wishes do come true” Clarke says with a smirk, biting her lower lips seductively knowing full well what she is doing to Lexa.

Lexa steps in to capture those lips again, her hands simultaneously sliding under the open shirt to cup those voluptuous breasts, giving them a few firm squeezes earning her a lusty moan. The erotic sounds makes her ache, she slides both her hand back down on bare skin to the blonde’s hips, and jerks them towards her clothed groin as she thrust her hips into the blonde, the contact causing an erotic cry and grunt from both lovers. Their bodies begin to grind together without permission, it moves seamlessly without control, they breathe and live in each other as if it is the last day on earth. 

When Lexa regains some semblance of control, she pushes aside the soaked panties with her fingers and immediately feels the hot wetness pooling in the hot pussy lips. She plunges two fingers into the hot cavern. The intrusion causes a big gasp from the blonde and she arches her body sucking in those fingers as deep as possible. The fluttering walls gripping Lexa’s finger is causing her cock to throb as she can’t wait to sheath her member into these tight walls she happily calls ‘home’. 

“Fuck I miss this Clarke. I miss you so much”

Lexa thrust her fingers fervently into Clarke, crudely finger fucking her lover up against the glass window. Thank goodness the studio is quite high up, otherwise passersby will cop quite an eyeful. But Lexa didn’t really care. She is only focused on the sounds and look of pure pleasure coming from the blonde. She moves to lick and nip and suck along Clarke’s neck and collarbone, surely leaving evidence of their passionate play.

Lexa moves some fingers to play with Clarke’s swollen pulsing clit. Feeling Clarke’s walls contracting wildly, Lexa thrust her hips against her hand adding more pressure allowing her fingers to hit deeper. The additional contact of her hard bulge against Clarke’s crotch in each thrust sends the blonde spinning and over the moon. 

‘Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Lex!’.

Lexa’s hand is soaked. It is not quite a squirt, but she is surely surprised at the amount of white milky cum gushing out, glistening at the fold. Lexa smiles smugly at the result of her hard work wanting to kneel down to have a taste, but Clarke pulls her hand up to her mouth and seductively sucks and licks each finger, moaning to the taste of herself. Lexa almost comes from just watching the erotic act alone. She pulls Clarke in for a life assuring kiss. It almost feels like she is dreaming. 

Lexa rests her sweaty forehead against Clarke, they can’t stop their wide grins as they try to regulate their ragged breath. 

“Don’t look so please with yourself Cadet. We are not done here. You are wearing too much clothes.”

Before Lexa can react, Clarke’s stealthy fingers have unbuckled her belt and unbutton her pants. The sound of her pants unzipping makes her cock twitch.

“What are you doing naughty girl?”  
“Mmm… opening my presents?”

Taking in her lover’s brazen request, Lexa smirks and relaxes her arms by the side.

“Well Princess, come and unwrap your present.” 

~

The smug confidence of her lover in uniform with loose unbutton pants sends all sorts of crazy desires in Clarke's body, but she is intent on teasing her lover for scaring her earlier.

Clarke takes a step closer, swaying her naked body, gazing at green eyes looking at her intently. She swipes her fingers across her lover’s broad shoulders, bringing it down in the middle to slowly unbutton each of the 5 buttons on her jacket. When the buttons are undone, Clarke moves her hands inside the jacket and up Lexa’s dress shirt, feeling the material drench in her sweat, sticking to the outline of her lover’s perfect tight abs and firm breasts. Clarke had to close her eyes at the heavenly sensation along with breathing in Lexa’s delicious scent. 

She releases the uniform jacket off from Lexa’s shoulder and it falls and crumbles to the ground.  
Eyeing her lover’s dilated pupils, Clarke smirks as she loosens her tie but keeps it on her neck. Clarke tugs at the tie and starts moving towards the couch, enticing her lover to follow her as she uses the tie as a leash. Lexa is besotted and can only follow the naked blonde like a lovesick puppy. 

Clarke stood Lexa in front of the couch and firmly pressed her shoulders indicating to Lexa to sit on the couch. Lexa crashes onto the couch without much grace causing Clarke to chuckle at how infatuated Lexa looks.

Clarke drops down onto her knees and her lover's eyes widened. She slowly starts unbuttoning the numerous buttons on Lexa’s dress shirt. Clarke is pleasantly surprised at Lexa’s impatience as she suddenly sits forward and rips her own shirt open with so much force the three remaining buttons flew apart and disappeared into nowhere. Lexa moves in to try and claim Clarke’s mouth but Clarke puts a firm hand on Lexa’s hot mouth, effectively stopping her pursuit and she hears a loud sad whine.

“Hold on Cadet. I am in Control here. Now sit back!” 

If it can be possible, Lexa’s eyes have gone full dark. Clarke smirks at the thought her cadet might actually like to be dominated. Clarke stores that piece of information to memory and refocuses on her goals. Clarke can smell Lexa’s arousal being this close to her crotch and she is getting hungry. She licks her lips as she moves to remove both her pants and boxers down to reveal her treasure. 

Lexa’s cock bounced up happily giving her a straight up salute. Lexa sighs contently above. Without a moment of reprieve, Clarke wraps her hot mouth around the burning cock, sending a shock to the owner who stiffens momentarily before slouching on the couch looking relaxed and content. 

Clarke lazily takes the length of Lexa's hard rod in her mouth, and brings it back up to slither her tongue against the tip of her cock. She can feel the tip pulsing and a rivulet of precum is streaming out. Clarke sucks and licks fervently like she is enjoying her favourite ice cream causing Lexa to whimper and moan. Lexa unconsciously jerks her member, and Clarke takes in the cock further, smirking into the action. She gaze intently at Lexa’s lustful eye and increases her pace, taking her cock deeper in her throat, up and down, up and down as she watches Lexa's delicious ab muscles tighten even further. 

“Clarke… Fuck.. I am coming soon… wher… where do you want me?”.

Clarke smiles at her ever considerate lover. This is really only the second time Clarke has taken Lexa orally. The first time Clarke didn't know what she is doing and Lexa didn't come until later when she was inside her. 

“Come in my mouth. I want to taste all of you.”  
“Fuck! yes! Suck me harder please..a..a.. Ahhhh Clarke!!”

Clarke was quick to action adding her hands to milking her balls. Her hard work pays off immediately as Lexa releases her thick spurts of cum into her mouth. Clarke swallows hungrily and continues to suck her cock dry. She is enjoying it so much that Lexa had to gently push her away from her sensitive cock and pull her up for a passionate kiss.

“Mmm… oh my god that was amazing, Clarke. It feels like it's my birthday.”

Clarke rises to straddle the brunette, all the prior activities making her really horny and needy. She grinds on Lexa and it didn’t take long for her to feel the muscle hardingly under her.

“Tsk tsk.. My naughty girl is so needy for my big cock.” 

‘You have 6 months of orgasms to make up for so you better get to work!” Clarke quips and grinds harder on Lexa causing her to groan with the unexpected pressure. 

Lexa didn’t need to be told twice. Her length is already hard. It seems to have a mind of its own, reacting and responding to her lover’s call. Lexa slides her fingers into Clarke’s wet fold dipping into the entrance. It is really wet and she knows the blonde is more than ready to take her whole. Using the slick to lubricate her aching cock in a few firm strokes, Lexa lifts Clarke up and guides her entrance to her cock. She pulls the blonde’s hip down while she thrust her hips sheathing the entire length into the boiling tight cavern. 

“Ah Fuck! Lex.. S’good...I feel so full.”

“Ride me baby. Use me. Take what you need.”

Clarke whimpers at those words as she lifts her hips up and sinks back down impaling herself with the hard strong muscle. Her nails grips into the strong shoulders as she rides her lover like a manic woman. Lexa moves in to play with her breast and sucks on her neck and chest, every form of contact creates unending pleasure. Clarke is plateauing but her thighs are sore, slowing her movements. 

Lexa sensing her lover requires just a little more help, moves to grip Clarke’s hips and she starts pulling her down while she thrust her hips up, the added intensity causes Clarke to cry out in ecstasy. 

She helps Clarke to lean back slightly, both hands moving to support her lower back, while she gets Clarke to lock her hands around her neck. The new angle opens Clarke up for Lexa to penetrate deeper and harder. Lexa thrust with all her might, feeling Clark’s contraction like a death grip around her cock. Not wanting to come yet, Lexa quickly moves one hand to swipe and circles Clarke’s clit. The intense ministrations enough to push her lover over the edge. 

“Mmmm.. Aaaah.. Lex I am coming!!”

Lexa feels Clarke’s body tensed and her body shudders. Her walls clenched wildly around her throbbing cock. A gush of wetness leaks out as Lexa continues to jog lazily allowing her lover to come down from her high. 

Lexa leans down to peck her favourite breasts before wrapping Clarke back into a tight embrace. 

“I am not done with you yet” Lexa whispers teasingly and she licks and pokes her tongue into Clarke's inner ear, sending a strange sensation to Clarke’s brain making her dizzy and shudders with the sensory overload. 

“Oh my God! Lex?!” Clarke has never felt something like this before and she couldn’t react to whether she absolutely loves or hates the sensation. 

Lexa smirks and holds Clarke tightly as she stands up lifting both their bodies, carefully ensuring her hard cock is still sheathed inside her lover’s warm cavern. She marches them towards the bed.

Clarke swoons at the incredible strength Lexa is displaying and the stirring of her hard cock as she marches is making her pussy clench and pulse uncontrollably. Clarke captures Lexa’s mouth, needing every connection she can get with her lover. Their tongues intertwine as she grinds down on every step Lexa takes. 

Lexa lays Clarke on the soft bed and flips her on her stomach.

“Present for me baby. Lift those hips up and open wide for me”

Clarke shivers at the explicit request. She feels Lexa’s hand guiding and maneuvering her like a rag doll. Clarke loves to be taken from behind and she knows it is one of Lexa’s favourite positions to dominate her. 

Clarke is kneeling on all fours on the bed and Lexa is standing right behind her against the edge of the bed. She can sense Lexa’s hungry eyes devouring her body in this position. Lexa’s hot hands caressing her from her neck down her spine onto her ass cheeks burning her skin on every surface touched. Clarke mewls as she feels Lexa pull her back into her hips, Lexa’s hard cock pulsing against the sensitive crack on her ass.

“Aaarh.. Lexa! Fuck me now! Please.” Clarke cries as she tries to move her ass back for more contact. 

Lexa stares hungrily at the beautiful body before her. She knows that Clarke loves to be taken from behind, but this is the first time she has had the blonde presenting so submissively to her. Her cock is heavy and throbbing as she hears her lover pleas to be fucked this way. 

Lexa loses all control at the sight of wet slick dripping down along her lover’s thigh. She plunges her rock hard cock into the needy pussy and pounds in with all her might. The carnal moans, the jiggling of the ass cheeks as their hips slaps together on every thrust, it is dirty, filthy and fucking exhilarating. 

Lexa pushes her lover’s neck down causing her body to arch down and her hips to rise up. Lexa moves her hands to Clarke’s hips securing her in an iron grip while she simultaneously plants one feet up onto the bed giving her a powerful stance and angle to pound harder, deeper and faster into Clarke’s hot cavern. 

“Yes! Yes! Mmmm! Oh my god! You fuck me so good..Aaarh.. Use me... for your pleasure.. Aaar...mmmmmmm!”

Clarke is particularly vocal when taken from behind and her voice is music to Lexa’s ear. She is enjoying every second of it and it doesn’t take long, Lexa has been on the edge for a long time and her lover’s wall gripping her so wildly sends her right over in one final manic thrust. Her cum explodes into the deepest region of Clarke’s tight caverns, Clarke coming immediately after at the tidal wave sensation of Lexa’s cum filling her womb to the brim.

Lexa falls blissfully over Clarke’s back, planting sweet kisses on her lover’s sweaty neck and shoulders as she mumbles beside her ear.

“Happy Birthday my darling. I fucking love you so much. Will you be mine forever?”

Clarke was still on cloud nine when she momentarily freezes at the loving confession. Her heart swells impossibly bigger, it almost feels like Lexa just asks her hand in marriage and a commitment of love forever. The thought sent Clarke spiraling into another mini orgasm. 

Before she gets a chance to respond, she cries at the loss of her lover's cock slipping away and the warm body disappears from behind her. Clarke got up and turn around wanting to see where her beautiful girlfriend has gone. The sight before her left her breathless. Lexa knelt before her on one knee, in her naked form, two hands grasping together holding up a ring towards her. 

"Clarke, I swear fealty to you. This commitment ring is my vow to you that I will treat your needs as my own and your worries as my worries. No matter if it is 6 months or 60 years, I want you to know, I will always be here for you. Will you be mine forever?" 

Clarke never doubted her relationship and bond with Lexa is anything but strong. However hearing these heartfelt vows and seeing the pure love and sincerity from Lexa has suddenly solidify everything in her mind. Their love transcends time. She believes in forever and more. 

“Lexa, words cannot begin to express how much you mean to me, I will follow you to the ends of the earth. So yes, I will be yours, but forever is not enough. If we have multiple lifetimes, I want to be yours for eternity.”

Tears are streaming from their eyes as they gaze lovingly into each other’s soul. They both sigh into their kiss as they silently commit to cherish each other for eternity. 

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just out of pure curiosity, which is your favourite smut scene and why :p  
> 1\. Chpt 2 Drunk/Mistaken identity   
> 2\. Chpt 8 Morning love making  
> 3\. Chpt 9 Reunion sex


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on a roll. Here comes the closing chapter of this Fic. I hope you guys enjoy reading as much as I have enjoyed writing. This might just be my favourite chapter bringing a happy ending to our Clexa story,
> 
> Thank you all for your support. Enjoy!! As usual, leave comments and feedback.

“Are we there yet?”  
“Are we there yet?”  
“Are we there yet?”  
“Are we there yet?”

“Rose and Lily Griffin-Wood I warn you. If you ask me again, there will be no more ice-cream treats Forever!!”

“No! Naughty Mommy“ Rose cries.  
“We will be good Mommy” Lily follows her sister

Clarke sighs as she looks at the rear mirror, spotting two very cheeky toddlers one pouting and one frowning.

Rose is stubborn but full of life and fiercely loyal. Lily is quiet and smart, always the peacemaker. They are the accidental products of that one crazy, passionate marathon reunion sex day from 4 years ago, on her birthday.

Yes, fucking Lexa Woods managed to knock Clarke up. With twins. 

But Clarke couldn’t really blame Lexa. 

Clarke had run out of birth control pills and she never bothered to replenish it. She figured her lover is 600 miles away and won’t be back for another 6 months, why would she need it?

Birth control is also the last thing in her mind when Lexa surprises her on her birthday and pound into her like twenty orgasms in one day of marathon sex. Ok slight exaggeration, maybe, at least a dozen. Lexa was only back for 18hours and they were not going to waste it on stupid things like sleeping. Naps, only naps.

Just reminiscing that night has Clarke clenching her thighs in the driver seat and her knuckles grip tightly on the steering wheel.

It has been a real whirlwind and so many things have happened in between. Where does she even begin? 

Perhaps the freak out she had when she found out at 19 and three months away from her graduation that she is pregnant, and the subsequent almost heart attack of her army girlfriend when she broke the news.  
Clarke chuckles remembering Lexa’s stunned reaction. It is funny now thinking back, in fact that was not the worst reaction. Lexa fainted when Clarke showed her the ultrasound scan via the video call. 

“Is… is that two...oh my god!” Clarke only managed to watch the video image fall to the ground and was only left with the view of the white ceiling.

However Lexa was very happy. Worried but happy. They both decided there is no way they are going to give up the twins even if they are so young and not very rich. Lexa will work ten times as hard to provide for her family. Clarke still had quite a bit of savings, the inheritance money from her father and also Costia’s portion was passed to her after her death.

Clarke is not without concern though, a young mother with an art degree with no work experience. Thankfully she got plenty of support and encouragement from Lexa, her friends and teachers and she continued drawing by independent commissions and the city gallery.

Having Lexa complete her training and return home to Clarke when she was 6 months pregnant is one of the best feelings. Well, other than the love of her soulmate, the sex was really good. Clarke is horny all the time. Blame it on hormones. There was also all those fucking weird cravings.

Their journey to finding the perfect place for their expanding brood was interesting. They got the place Lexa wanted. A charming 4 bedroom house with a big yard. They can only afford to rent the place. 

Hormones made Clarke really jealous. They almost had a hell raising fight, the worst one they ever had. Well it was mostly Clarke being jealous and angry. She was feeling fat like a whale. It didn’t help when Lexa’s friend from training, Octavia, visited and stayed over at their place for the weekend. Oh that girl with the gorgeous face and that perfect body too as she hangs her arm around Lexa and smiles at her like she owns her. Lets just say, Lexa managed to save the day. 

Clarke will always remember that day at the military chapel. It didn’t matter that it was a small and quiet affair. All that matters is that they can call each other Wife and renew their commitment of an eternity together. And Clarke Griffin-Wood has a really nice ring to it. Get it, ring :P

They welcomed Rose and Lily Griffin-Wood who arrived right on schedule. What perfect little angels they are. Little did Clarke know the terrible trio (yes the traitorous Lexa including) she had to deal with on a day to day basis, but she will not have it any other way. They were the perfect blend of their mothers. Blonde hair, green eyes, soft pouty lips and the cutest fat cheeks. It was Lexa’s idea to use the middle name of the Griffin sisters, beautiful flowers on their own.

Those first few weeks after the birth though, Clarke shudders at some dark times and shakes here thoughts. She prefers to think about something happier. Her babies first of everything. Lexa’s first nappy change, their first bath, the sisters first fight on who to get milk first, the sisters babbling to each other like they are having a conversation, their first laughs when Lexa blows cherries on their little tummies, the first time they rolled over on their own. Many many wonderful first times. 

Lexa makes good use of her Political Science degree majoring in law and her time in the military to gain a position as a civilian officer in the Justice department. Lexa knows with her young family she cannot go down the army combat route. She was just happy that she can still contribute to her country and make a real impact.

There was also someone gone and someone new. Their family has a new addition. No, not another baby. They have adopted 6 year old Tristan. Unfortunately Lexa’s foster father Gustus passed away, and Indra her foster mum did not have the energy to take care of the youngest of 4 other foster kids. Lexa and Clarke did not hesitate to take him in. He instantly fits into the family and the twins totally adores their big brother.

~

“Mummy, It's Mama! I see her. I see her” Her twins are shouting and bouncing off their child-seat deliriously pointing at the far away figure that is Lexa fucking Woods. Oh yes the brunette invokes such emotions from all her girls. 

It took some very stern talking to calm the girls down as Clarke unload her brood and led them towards their mother.

“Girls, it is a very special day for your mama. You must, and I repeat, MUST be on your best behaviour today. You have to be quiet. No shouting, whining, crying or running around. If you are good, we will all have a very special treat tonight.”

Lily puts her little hand over her mouth, and the other hand over her sister’s mouth who is giggling away trying to bite her fingers.

“My Babies!” Lexa’s voice booms from a short distance ahead as she squats down and opens her welcoming arms. Her little flower girls squeal and scream and run over crashing into their mama.

Clarke rolls her eyes. Lexa always spoils the girls rotten.

Lexa easily lifts both girls on each arm like they are weightless. In fact she is showing off her muscles now, lifting them up and down on each arm. The girls chuckles uncontrollably while she sends a smug smirk and wink to Clarke.  
Clarke strolls over pretending like that smirk doesn’t make her knees weak and that Captain uniform doesn’t do terrible things to her panties.

“Hey sweetheart. I am so excited you came”  
“Oh, not yet babe. I am more excited about coming later, Captain Woods.” Clarke sends a sexy brow arch and lip bite and the great Captain whimpers.

~

Everyone got seated in the big hall. Lexa’s friends and colleagues fill most of the seats. Anya has driven Indra and Tristan over and they sat in the front with Clarke, Lexa right beside her and the two girls on their laps.

The photographers snapped about a million pictures. 

Clarke feels some nervous tension coming from her wife beside her so she leans in to whisper quietly in her ear.

“I am so proud of you baby. I feel so honoured to be sitting beside you. You’ve got this. I love you so much.”

Clarke moves to give Lexa a sweet kiss, perhaps longer than intended forgetting they are in the presence of a lot of cameras and people. 

Lexa feels empowered by her wife’s encouragement and love. She grins wider and sits straighter, feeling proud of herself as well.

Everyone grumbles at the sharp sound of the echoing mic being turned on.

“Ah yes, sorry about that. I am Mayor Kane and I welcome you all to the great Polis Town Hall. Today we are celebrating a very special event, for a very special person that we are proud to call our town’s own. Please put your hands together for Captain Alexandria Woods, Army Prosecutor for the Justice department of our great country Earth United (EU)”

A loud applause surrounds the town hall. Lily and Rose clap along with the excitement, bouncing on their mothers laps. The mayor waves Lexa to come up to the stage. Clarke collects Rose off Lexa’s lap as her wife stands, puts on her Captain cap, straightens her uniform, gives Clarke a peck on the lips and marches with grace and confidence towards the stage.

“Captain Woods. Thank you and welcome. We are honoured by your presence. Today we celebrate your achievements in receiving the DIstinguished Service Medal award. This medal recognizes your exceptional contribution to your unyielding services in the EU judiciary systems, more specifically in the court martial case of ‘EU vs General Pike’ for his order to massacre 300 innocent souls from the Trikru indigenous clan.”

There is not a dry eye in the hall as everyone has heard of the atrocity committed by General Pike who almost got away scotch free with the massacre, vowing he did what is right to protect his soldiers. It was Lexa’s unrelenting will to not bow down to power and her leadership in the department that finally brought the murderers to justice. 

“Captain Woods is one of our youngest recipients for this medal. Please all rise and give her another round of applause.”

Everyone stood up giving a thunderous applause to Lexa, her army colleagues also stomping their feets and whistling loudly. Mayor Kane proudly pins the medal against Lexa’s uniform. 

Lexa stood tall and proud receiving the pin. After shaking hands with the Mayor, she gave a strong salute to the Major, and then to the audience specifically her fellow officers. Her eyes finally glanced to her closest family and friends. They were all smiles and tears.

“Thank you Mayor Kane. Thank you all. It is my honour and privilege to receive this prestigious award. This really belongs to all the hardworking servicemen and women in the EU Justice department who worked relentlessly and have spent the better part of the last 15 months in the prosecution to bring this murderer to justice. I salute to them.”

Another round of applause.

“Next I would like to thank my friends and family for their words of wisdom and continual support. Lastly...” Lexa looks directly at Clarke, tears in both their eyes. 

“I would like to thank my wife. She gives me unlimited strength, determination, support and encouragement and she gives it all with grace and humbleness, and still keeping her sanity as a mother of two very rowdy toddlers.”

Chuckles and laughter surrounds the hall.

“I can’t thank this amazing woman enough. Thank you Clarke Griffin-Woods. I love you so much. Thank you all.” She blew a kiss to her wife, and bows showing her gratitude to the audience.

~

Clarke murmurs something to Anya and Indra and promptly plonks Lily and Rose on their laps as she briskly walks over to the side stage where Lexa is coming down. She grabs her wife’s wrist and pulls her to the exit.

“Clarke!?” Lexa voices out in alarm as she sees her wife’s serious face. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke did not say anything, only pulling her hand with more force increasing their pace.

“Where are we going? There’s people waiting for me.” Before Lexa realizes where they are, Clarke pushes Lexa through a door.

“Clarke!” The sound of her wife’s name was swallowed by her wife’s hungry mouth. A hot aggressive tongue invades her mouth, lashing and whipping causing Lexa to whimper and moan. She’s trapped between a hot body and a door. 

“You are so fucking hot!”

Her wife grinds shamelessly on her crotch as nimble fingers unbuckled her belt, unzip her pants, and her cock is roughly abducted from her boxers. 

“Mmm, aaaar… Clarke!? We can’t...”

“You are so fucking sexy. Just shut up and fuck me now or you don’t get to touch me ever again.”

Lexa chuckles at the emptiest threat she has ever heard, but somehow her manic, aggressive, crazy, needy, perfect wife who is frantically focused on stroking her hardening cock needs her right now and Lexa Woods is never one to disappoint.

Lexa flips their bodies around as she leans in to capture her wife’s swollen lips pushing her against the door. She bunch up her wife’s gorgeous dress and rips her panties out. She grabs one thigh up to her hips, her wife lifts the other with practiced ease locking her hips with her strong thighs. 

“Oh my god you are so wet for… aaaaaah” Lexa couldn’t even finish her sentence before her feisty blonde impales herself on her straining cock.

“Fuck! Lex.. Fuck me please!” 

At her wife’s desperate pleas, Lexa thrust her hips like never before, the urgency to satisfy her wife overwhelms all sense and logic. 

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! So big! You fill me so well! So good baby..aar, ungh..more pleease!” 

Lexa pants and grunts, giving it all to satisfy her wife. Their binding sounds of pleasure and slick echoes in the room. The familiar feelings of the clenching walls gripping her heavy cock makes Lexa dizzy. She knows this is going to be a big load. 

“Aaaa..aaaar! Lex! I am coming. Come with meeee!!!!” With practiced synchronicity, they both came together. Clarke’s death grip milking her cum for all she is worth. Spurts and spurts of cum fills her wife’s womb to the brim. Her cock emptied and spent, softly slipping out.

“Wtf! Clarke!??”  
“Oops..so sorry baby.”  
Clarke looks down embarrassingly fully flustered.  
“I think I pee’d a little ”

~

The two bodies remain unmoving leaning against the door, sweaty foreheads against each other. They are too tired and fuzzy to deal with this mess.

“I can’t believe you pee’d on me”  
“Sorry baby, you are just too powerful and overwhelming”.

“Your pants are totally ruined.”  
“You reckoned. How are we going to get out of this one?”  
“Um.. maybe you can call Anya?”  
“Oh Fuck my life!!” Lexa cries.

“I can’t believe we fucked in the toilet” Lexa is flabbergasted as she finally takes notice of her surroundings.  
“Oh yeah baby. There is a first for everything. We can cross this off the bucket list” Clarke grins.

“Clarke.”  
“Yes my darling.”  
“Your pills ran out last week. Did you replenish your supply?”  
Silence  
“Clarke?!”  
“Oooops!!”  
“Claaaaaaarke!!!!!”

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One week, 10 chapters and 27000+ words later. I have never written so much in such a short time ever and totally enjoyed the journey.
> 
> Let me know if anyone is interested in me exploring any of the event plots further ;)


End file.
